A Twist Of Noir 302 - Richard Godwin

QUICK KILL - RICHARD GODWIN

Do you wanna know how to commit the perfect murder in a few minutes?

I mean kill someone and get away with it. And what I’m talking about is guaranteed.

I bet you do.

I bet there’s some dark corner of yourself you hide from your wife and friends. It’s there behind the laughter and bonhomie, and it’s itching to find out how.

You do. OK.

I’ll tell you.

This is how it happened.

Duane and Al were two drug dealers who’d been doing some really bad shit. Now I’m not trying to justify what I did because this isn’t a moral court, this is the murder channel you’ve just tuned into and you know what you’re getting. Exactly what you asked for.

Everyone in the neighbourhood knew they raped that young girl and spiked some old man’s drink with drugs. And everyone wanted them out of the way.

This was around the time Eddy had been arrested for the robbery and the police had let him go, but he was worried about his prints on the gun they’d found.

It was a fine evening. Lovers walking arm in arm and I decided to do a little killing, so I stole into their apartment.

I knew Duane and Al were there cause I’d seen them go in. Now this is how it works.

I ring the bell. After a while, I can hear Al’s voice.

‘Who is it?’

‘I hear you can sell me something.’

‘Who told you that?’

‘Mick.’

I knew that would work.

There was a pause, then the rattle of a chain.

The door opened just enough for me to see his head and I popped him right between his narrow little eyes. Blood spurted out of his head, decorating the wall behind him and he fell backwards as I moved quickly, closing the door behind me and into the living room where Duane sat in his jockeys, watching the TV. As he reached for his gun, I sprayed the best part of his head all over his pizza. Man, that looked like some sauce.

Of course I used the muffler.

Then I put Eddy’s gun out in the hall and left the building.

I removed the cotton gloves in the car and drove back to the station.

I sat and talked to the Sarge until the call came in and then I went and inspected the crime scene with him.

I’m a real cop, do you get what I saying?

The best bit was arresting Eddie for the murder. Law and fucking order.

BIO: Richard Godwin lives and writes in London, where his dark satire ‘The Cure-All’, about a group of confidence tricksters, has been produced on the stage. He has just finished writing a crime novel.