Sunday, August 30, 2009

A Twist Of Noir 145 - Paul Brazill

IN THE DOG HOUSE - PAUL D. BRAZILL

Originally appeared at Powder Burn Flash in January 2009

Bonny is volcanic. She’s so angry that she can hardly speak but, unfortunately for me, hardly is the operative word. As she tries to scrub the blood stains from my best white shirt, she goes on and on about the meal she’d cooked the night before and how long it had taken her to cook it. She keeps asking me over and over again if I want to live on burgers all my life and why, if I’m going to spend all of my time hanging around a dirty warehouse with a bunch of psychos that look like Blues Brothers rejects, I can't at least pick up the phone and call to say I’ll be home late.

My head is hurting, my stomach is rumbling and I’m tired. Bonny is starting to sound like a duck quack quack quacking, so I turn on the radio hoping it isn’t more ‘Sounds of the Seventies’, as I’ve really had my fill of that shit the last few days. The DJ’s monotone drone introduces some LA band destroying a Neil Diamond classic so I switch it off again.

Noticing that the heat from Bonny’s eruption has started to cool down, I present her with a bag containing the proceeds of my recent job. When she sees the rare coins in the bag, Bonny’s jaw drops so much you could scrape carpet fluff from it and she lets rip with a string of expletives, so strong that they would even make the young Eddie Murphy blush. Almost tearing off her nurse’s uniform, she runs toward me screaming like a banshee.

Afterwards, when I know that it’s safe, I suggest that maybe we could go out for something to eat. We could even try that Hawaiian burger joint that’s just opened up nearby. Hands on hips, Bonny laughs and says, okay, as long as I promise not to wear that dumb Speed Racer t-shirt that makes me look like a nerd.

Anything you say, I reply and start to walk into the bathroom before stopping and saying that, shit, if the service in that restaurant is any good today, I might even leave a tip.

BIO: Paul D. Brazill has been lucky enought to have had stories in A Twist Of Noir, Powder Burn Flash, The Legendary, Beat To A Pulp, Thriller Killers n Chillers, Blink Ink, The Flash Fiction Offensive, Shoots & Vines, Six Sentences and Flashshots. His print published work is in the book Six Sentences Volume Two and the Finnish magazine Ässä.(ACE) and coming soon...

He can be found stalking ‘you would say that, wouldn’t you?

15 comments:

Michael Solender said...

He's back...glad to see you back on the scene. How 'bout a burger?

Paul Brazill said...

Cheers MJS! It's nice to be back. I've got a lot of stories to catch up on.

Matt Hilton said...

As ever, top notch stuff from a top notch writer. Congrats, Paul.

Lee Hughes said...

As always, great piece Paul, glad you're back!

Col Bury said...

Good to have you back, Paul. I can picture you now playing catch up, trawling your favourite ezines...watch out for screen glare - tip: I wear shades!

Joyce said...

Slick stuff, Paul. SO glad you're back. Look forward to reading you again everywhere.

John Donald Carlucci said...

Good stuff ass usual Mr. B.

JDC

Christopher Pimental said...

That's a good one, PDB. Most enjoyed it. Quick and easy read with some considerable personality to it.

Al Tucher said...

Good to see this one again!

Cameron Ashley said...

Welcome back, Paul. I suspect that soon it will be us playing catch up with you (as usual).

Paul Brazill said...

Na zdrowia!

Erin Cole said...

Enjoyed this piece Paul - the volcanic likenesses a hit... and just for the record, anyone who has to clean up blood, (strange that I was actually doing that last night after my daughter’s bloody nose on beige carpet) gets to be a little bitchy. ; )
'Rare' done!

Alan Griffiths said...

Good to have you back Paul.

Jimmy Callaway said...

Brazill, you slippery bastard. It took me a minute to catch on, but once it hit me, it hit me like three slightly toasted Mexican businessmen. Man, am I glad you're back in your adopted homeland and on the internets once again. Just don't fuckin' "Jimmy" me, Jules.

Paul Brazill said...

Cheers,all. Jimmy. I thought you'd twig. Glad it worked!