Showing posts with label Cameron Ashley. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Cameron Ashley. Show all posts

Thursday, July 12, 2012

A Twist Of Noir 696 - Cameron Ashley

THE TOUGH ASK - CAMERON ASHLEY

They've put a cuddly new face on the art of the interview.

They call it PEACE.

(Plan and Prepare; Engage and Explain; Account; Closure; Evaluation).

No, really, it’s called PEACE. A fuzzy acronym. A smooth shape some psychiatrist hammered out on the anvil of his concept. Adopted by governing bodies desperate for results in an electorate that’s turned its back on them.

Neck ties are loosened in anticipation of relatable plain clothes, like they’ll shed the skin of their suits, be seen as regular blokes. Guys you’d see in the supermarket, the pub, down the beach.

Not buttoned-down authority figures swinging a phone book.

They're teaching them to act, to feign empathy, to perform. Granted, there is always an element of the performance in the interview – you have to dial it up to instill terror – but there was always honesty in my performance, truth, fact, authenticity.

See, I went by WAR.

(Wrest Control; Aggression Increased Incrementally; Rough Justice IS Justice)

And this is why I am no longer in that line of work. Strictly speaking.

*

Interview rooms aren't particularly impressive, but they serve a purpose – they remove the individual from familiar surroundings and encase him/her in a territory that is essentially yours.

You know it. You control it. In controlling the space, you control the occupant.

This is a principle I have kept. The world is now my interview room.

If he is an urbanite, we go to the bush. The smell of damp earth from a pre-dug grave, weird night creatures skittering above and around, a torch-beam in the face. These things are my tools.

If he is from the country, we go to some abandoned urban wasteland. Ghosts of bygone industry visible in broken windows, forgotten equipment gone Gothic with rust and neglect, the spray paint of illegible tag-scrawl. These things are my tools.

I ask the tough questions on behalf of those who need answers, but who lack the constitution to actually do the asking themselves. The answers determine the outcome. The bush grave, the river dump, and, yes, sometimes even freedom – these conclusions form a crossroads.

And I give the directions.

*

So I ask and I ask and I ask.

There is never any doubt. None. There is nothing but certainty.

For a time.

Then, inevitably I suppose, there is doubt. Was it a particular look in their eyes? A convincing denial? No idea.

All I know is uncertainty.

Once there is uncertainty, there are different questions to be asked. They are:

Have I always been right?

Are there shallow bush graves and weighted bin bags in the Murray filled with innocents?

Are there guilty I've freed?

More importantly perhaps:

Have you had a breakdown?

Are you insane?

I can't answer these questions.

*

I slice myself. I drink a bottle of bourbon, take two fingers from my right hand.

I can't coerce myself to tell me what I need to know. Perhaps I black out before I can speak.

I call my mother, cry into the phone. She tells me I was always a good boy, asks me where I am.

I can't coerce her into telling me what I need to know. Perhaps I hang up before she can speak.

*

The mirror shows a man with a lot to hide. It is not a comforting sight. It is the face of the guilty wearing the expression of the damned.

*

I visit some parents I know. They are terrified. Worse than that, my uncertainty shatters their peace.

They say to me:

You did the best you could for my child.

But in their eyes, I see my doubt has infected them. I have re-broken them.

*

I take the list of others I planned to visit and tear it up.

*

My .38 Special Smith & Wesson Model 10.

Police Issue.

Loaded with hollow points. Clean as. Good to go.

Look at it. It's an answer.

But it's not the answer I need.

*

I take a call.  I go to work.

I can't answer questions, but I can ask them.

I just have to make sure, that's all.

I just have to make sure.

Please, let me be sure.

BIO: This one’s for Christopher Grant. You’re a class act, mate. Thanks, as always, to Jimmy Callaway, who is like a missing slice of my writer-brain.

Friday, September 3, 2010

A Twist Of Noir 572 - Cameron Ashley

- CAMERON ASHLEY

It’s not in the first stall, so he cleans. Fluorescent light gleams off the curve of the bowl.

It’s not in the second stall, so he cleans. He makes icy blue tiles a ceramic lattice of hygiene and lemon-scented sterility.

It’s in the third stall, curling into a lazy, blonde figure eight on the rim of the seat.

He closes the door. The space is now intimate and theirs. He bags the hair and pockets it.

He cleans. He makes the stall like she never was. Like nobody ever was.

Tomorrow he’ll meet another.

Tonight he’s all hers.

BIO: Cameron Ashley is one part of the troika of editors at Crime Factory and lives in Melbourne, Australia.

Friday, March 5, 2010

A Twist Of Noir 379 - Cameron Ashley

THROWING HEATERS - CAMERON ASHLEY

ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED AUGUST 2009 AT POWDER BURN FLASH

Di had mitts like a heavyweight prizefighter. They were swollen, ugly things, much too big for her delicate frame. They looked like they were transplanted from some Jack Kirby monster. Thick and heavy, they compressed into mammoth-knuckled, near-rectangular fists. They were the one thing doctors couldn’t do much about when Di decided she didn’t want to be David anymore. She didn’t mind so much. They were pretty useful. They were sandpaper rough, they were crude, and if you could take your eyes off of them to look Di in the face whilst they were raised, you would know she could throw some serious heaters with them.

Di looked like Joan Jett. She wore some tight black jeans, some fuck-me boots and a little low-cut black blouse with an eighties biker jacket over the top. She wore a long delicate gold chain around her neck as if that was enough to soften the outfit up. She sucked down some slurpee and hung out with Amandeep. Amandeep had the hots for her. He never noticed the slabs of meat attached to the end of her arms; he was too enraptured with her delicate cheekbones, her pink, glossy lips, her pert little heart-shaped arse. He stocked cigarette shelves behind the counter and complained to Di about how often he got held up by junkies and nutbags.

‘“There’s a brothel on one side and a mental home on the other, so these things happen.” This is what the boss says to me.’

Di shook off some brain freeze.

‘What did you say?’

‘I didn't know what to say. I stood there blinking like some moron. “These things happen.” Psshh. I’d like to see how he would handle a knife or a bat or a needle stuck in his face.’

‘You’re a brave dude, Amandeep.’

‘I am not brave. I give these fuckers the money. It’s not my money, so why should I be brave? The police, they patrol more, but really, what can they do? You know what I need? I need someone here. All the time. Every night while I am on. Either that or a gun. I wish I could have a gun. If my parents had chosen for me to study in America, I would have a gun.’

‘Yeah,’ Di said. ‘But so would they.’

She shaped her left mitt into a gun. It was the .44 Magnum of imaginary guns. Hand-cannon personified. She pointed it at Amandeep and gave a wry glossy-lipped smile.

‘Chk-chk-Boom and all that, man.’

*

Di’s first night on junkie patrol was uneventful. She shot the shit with Amandeep, watched him serve smokes, meat pies and flavoured milk to drunken twenty-somethings with bad haircuts and over-designed t-shirts. She put away heaps of Slurpee and worried about her waistline. The second night was much the same, as was the third. On night four, she was outside smoking and watching a group of drunks crack themselves up when it happened.

He came in with an eighties-looking Rambo knife probably stolen from Army Disposals. Amandeep sighed and hit a register button marked CASH. The register drawer sprang open and Amandeep started flicking up money clips. Later, cops viewing the security tape would joke how bored Amandeep looked, like he was enduring some menial chore like scrubbing the shitter.

The convenience store doors slid open with a ding and the kid was down from a kidney shot before he could turn around. Di kicked the knife away and hauled the kid to his feet. She jabbed him with a couple of short rights; sharp shots that snapped his head back. She threw a huge left hook that broke his nose and opened up a crescent-shaped wound across its flattened bridge. She threw a right that crushed his orbital socket and finished it off with a straight left that took out five teeth.

Di’s knuckles were barely grazed.

As Amandeep called the cops, Di looked down at the unconscious kid, blood-covered, pieces of his face re-arranged or missing. She wondered if, before all that disfigurement, he looked something like the little arsehole who, a week prior, had given her shit on the train. Hard to tell. Perhaps the beating had re-sculpted his face to look more like him. Shit, covered in all that blood, he could’ve been anybody.

One of the investigating cops took the footage of the beating, put Joan Jett & The Blackhearts Do You Wanna Touch Me (oh, Yeah) over the top and stuck it on YouTube. Di’s mitts and arse-kicking ability achieved moderate internet fame. The night of their first date, Di and Amandeep got stopped on the street. A fan asked for a photo with Di, wanted to see those massive fists close up.

Di didn’t mind.

They came in pretty useful sometimes.

BIO: Cam lives, drinks and edits Crime Factory in Melbourne, Australia. Jimmy Callaway, as usual, helped big time with this one back in the day.

Sunday, October 18, 2009

A Twist Of Noir 229 - Cameron Ashley

BROUGHTON’S RULES - CAMERON ASHLEY

An Entry In Eric Beetner’s FIST Contest

Coach took a final swig of the beer Pete bought him.

‘Surprised they have Jolene on the jukebox. Weird choice for a bar full of tough guys and, man, these guys look fuckin’ tough. Are noses busted crooked and cauliflower ears an entry pre-requisite? Jesus.’

Pete sipped his beer, waited for Coach to get on with it.

Coach got the hint.

‘Okay, well, Steve and Dean sure hated each other. I’ve forgotten why exactly they hated each other but, really, it don’t matter a monkey fuck in the over-arching scheme of shit anyhow. Particularly now. But there are some facts I want you to know. Facts that got lost in the storm of misinformation that followed once the shit went down and the story got broke.’

Pete lit a smoke, leaned on the bar and got himself comfy. ‘Okay. You want another beer?’

‘Yeah. Sure. Thanks. Okay. God love ’em, but that pair was a major disruption to the other kids, kids good at learnin’ and all that Three Rs shit. Only Rs Steve and Dean knew were Roundhouse and Rasslin. The media called it a cage, but it weren’t really no cage. I think of a cage, I think mid-eighties NWA, y’know? Tully Blanchard and Magnum T.A. grindin’ each other’s faces into beef chuck. Our cage was a section of locker-room fenced off with chicken wire. Sure we called it The Cage, but that was mostly for atmospherics, thing was fuckin’ harmless.’

‘It was a pretty sorry-ass piece of construction.’

‘Fuckin’ Monty the woodshop teacher built it.’

‘Monty? Guy’s missing three digits on his right hand and two on his left.’

‘Exactly. Problem was nobody had the sack to tell him not to build it. We were worried about discrimination and shit. He’s one whiny no-fingered motherfucker, that Monty.’

‘Right.’

‘And, yeah, better they throw some fists in The Cage than out on the street, I thought. Them two boys, all amped up on testosterone, new muscles popping out on their bodies all manly-like, who knows what they coulda done to each other mixin’ it up out there unsupervised.’

‘Who knows?’

‘Yep. Anyhow, reckon that’s about it for the facts.’

‘That right?’

‘Yep. But, for the record; I didn’t have nothin’ to do with no teachers placing bets. I’m a fuckin’ coach and they was both my boys and I didn’t show no favoritism even when Bruce pressed me for odds. Fuck Bruce. Geography’s a lame-ass subject and Bruce sucks a big pink pecker teachin’ it. He got jack shit outta me. Tim Hilton, the assistant principal, played bookmaker and, boy, was the staff riled up and ready for a pay-off come fight day. That’s what you get when you pay teachers jack shit.’

‘Timmy Hilton. Excitable guy.’

‘I know, right? Look, truth is, that fuckin’ fight excited all East Longfield High. More than even when Jenny Graham won the Texas High School Women’s Powerlifting Championship.’

‘That big filly who made the papers?’

‘Yeah. So, school spirit was at an all-time high and we even managed to get a couple of science geeks, feuding over Jap cartoon trading cards or somethin’ equally retarded, to fight, too. You saw the photos? Those two nerds could fuckin’ go.’

Pete nodded. They were scrappy, for sure.

Coach’s beer arrived. Coach rubbed some frost off the glass.

‘Obviously, there weren’t supposed to be no weapons in there and, hindsight being fifty-fifty, I shoulda patted Steve and Dean down. I didn’t ’cause I was concerned about inappropriate touching - teachers don’t have no business runnin’ their hands over fit teenage bodies unless it’s strictly hetero, after school hours and in exchange for better grades.’

‘Didn’t think you and Elsie McTitty was about grades, Coach.’

‘It’s fuckin’ McTierney, Pete. Jesus. Anyhow, Steve was scared of Dean and with good fuckin’ reason.’

Pete grunted.

‘Yeah. Now, obviously this here revelation don’t absolve me or nothin’, but Steve saw some of your fights on YouTube and, well, he decided that the badass apple probably didn’t fall too far from the badass tree. Forewarned being forearmed an’ all that, Steve forearmed his chickenshit self with a box cutter and that was that.’

Pete took a final sip.

‘Well, thank you for your candor and honesty there, Coach.’

‘Ahh, fuck, it’s the least I can do. It’s all such a mammoth fuck-up, Pete. It was an accident, a terrible, terrible accident. You don’t know how bad I feel. I know I ain’t been takin’ your calls, and I’m real sorry, but we coulda -’

‘Coach, I know you’re a fight fan, but I don’t know if you’re a fight buff. You a fight buff?’

‘Uh. I guess that would depend on what constitutes being a buff.’

‘I mean, like, history, I guess. You know much about fight history?’

‘Like Cassius Clay and shit?’

‘No. I mean like back, like waaaaaayyy back. Back when things weren’t so civilized, back when men fought bare-fisted for pride and beer money and the knowledge and security that, above all, they were men.’

‘Uh.’

‘Okay, well, what we do in this here bar is fight under Broughton’s rules. You hearda Broughton’s rules?’

‘Uh.’

‘Well, under Broughton’s, all’s fair except low blows and strangulation. Fight only ends when one man can’t crawl up to a line scrawled down the middle of the ring either cause he’s unconscious or beat dead.’

‘C’mon, Pete...’

Pete peeled his shirt off, revealing a massive torso and arms sized like that gator-eating anaconda they found in the Florida Glades. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a stubby piece of pink chalk. He rolled it along the bar towards Coach, clenched his fists so tight his knuckles popped, and started shadow-boxing.

‘Go draw a line back there. And stop looking so worried, Coach. Just close your eyes and think of Tully Blanchard.’

At the rear of the bar, tough guys shifted tables and chairs and smiled gap-toothed, split-lip smiles.

BIO: Fight fan Cameron Ashley lives in Brunswick, Melbourne, belting out stories of tough cats and chicks doing tough shit. Currently plotting more Shibata stories for this site, jamming with Jimmy Callaway and also has a yarn upcoming at Darkest Before the Dawn called Ain’t No Burlesque.

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

A Twist Of Noir 138 - Cameron Ashley

PINKY VIOLENCE AT HOTEL SPRING KINGDOM
(A SHIBATA STORY) - CAMERON ASHLEY

OSAKA, JAPAN

Cleaner was thankful that Ai had chosen someplace at least visually low-key to fuck up in once again. Hotel Spring Kingdom wasn’t much to look at from the outside, just a several storey brown brick building with a bright pink neon sign glowing down its side. However, on the inside, it was a fuck-feast of differing kinks, fetishes and themes. Rooms with built-to-scale crucifixes, rooms made out like aquariums, jungles. Bondage rooms, princess rooms, classrooms, all with cosplay outfits a phone call away.

Love Hotels, for all their garishness, are built upon a façade of discretion. You don’t sign in. You don’t sign out. Human interaction is kept to minimum. Sometimes you speak to a slot in a wall; other times you choose a room from a screen display, push a corresponding button and feed a slot some yen. Still, despite the seeming anonymity, there is always staff. Before he went any further, Cleaner had to make sure that the staff at Hotel Spring Kingdom were either paid to forget or made to forget. He bullied his way into the manager’s office where a fat young man read a hentai comic called Monster Breast So Succulent and watched the Hanshin Tigers game. Fat Boy said he hadn’t seen Ai and Cleaner believed him. However, a quick check revealed that the security cameras in the lobby had sure seen her. Cleaner got serious and, after a slapping, a payoff and an editing, Cleaner was ready to really get cleaning.

*

Cleaner’s eyes went straight to the television. On-screen, an old man performed furious cunnilingus on a teenage girl. She made noises like a deer in distress. The old man moved to finger fucking, and Cleaner looked away as the girl came, shooting fluids across the camera. Cleaner pulled his gloves tight, wheeled his huge suitcase against the wall, closed the door behind him, slipped off his shoes and slipped on some powder- blue room slippers and a hairnet.

Ai Shibata stood in front of him. She ate panda-shaped cookies from the box. She was dressed in a schoolgirl uniform stained shades of pink and red, color spattered across her like a bad tie-dye job. Cleaner gave her the once over.

-Please tell me you didn’t call reception and have that delivered?

-Of course not. I brought it with me. Last time I rented an outfit at a dump like this I got a rash on the inside of my thigh.

She hiked her tiny skirt and stroked her thigh to emphasize. Cleaner looked away, his eyes straying back to the TV screen. Ai watched with him.

-Not my finest work, I know. Early days. That old guy? His breath stunk like a dirty fish tank. I actually threw up in my mouth a couple of times. That diaper thing he’s wearing had shit stains in it by the time we were done.

Cleaner grunted. He looked around the room. Black walls, wooden floor painted a glossy black and red. A circular bed enclosed in a cage of thick red irons bars, food and sex toys scattered across the satin sheets.

-You watch your own movies when you fuck?

She came up to him, ran a hand down the lapels of his overcoat.

-I can never get enough of me, you know that.

Cleaner breathed her in -- even sweaty and fucked filthy she smelled like an angel. He pulled away and turned to her fuck buddy.

A huge metal chair was propped up on a pedestal in a far corner of the room, a pool of blood around the base. Fuck Buddy, naked, sat slumped in it, strapped in at the wrists and ankles with thick leather cuffs. He was a mess of burns and cuts and other assorted ugly wounds. A pair of lacy panties was stuffed in his mouth. His hair was perfect. Cleaner felt a weird urge to touch it, so he did. He found its gelled, spiked peaks stiff as rigor mortis, a tactile cue to get on with the job.

Ai lit a smoke. She gave Fuck Buddy a once-over like an unsatisfied artist contemplating another dab of paint here and there even though her canvas had already been mounted and hung.

-Do you think he looks like Sexyama?

-I wouldn’t know about that.

She sat on the carpet and pouted.

-I think he looks like Sexyama.

-I don’t think he looks much like anybody right now.

She got to her feet. She jumped on her tippytoes and clapped and giggled.

-What do you think?

-What do I think?

-Mm. Of my work.

-You want me to...?

-Tell me how you think I did.

He shook his head and walked over to the TV where Ai and the old man rutted on-screen, moaning in fucked up, off-key harmony. The old man looked like a skin origami slowly unfolding. Ai, writhing underneath his loose folds, wore the typical unwilling look of the pink film idol. Cleaner, slightly nauseated, turned it off. He took a big can of Sapporo from the bar fridge, popped it and drank.

-Take a peek out of the curtain and tell me what you see.

She rolled her eyes, but she did as she was told.

-I see the Dotonbori River. I see lights reflecting prettily off it. I see signs and bridges and I see buildings. Lots of buildings, tall and dark and stretching out forever. Tako Tako is down there somewhere, isn’t it? Do you think, maybe, once we are done here, we can get some takoyaki from there?

-What else do you see, Ai?

-Convenience stores?

-And?

-Well, there are people.

-Yes. There are people. There are a whole lot of people. You’re something of a celebrity and you walked around this area. With a handsome man. You probably had dinner somewhere expensive and made a scene and made sure you were noticed because you’re Ai Shibata, pink film idol, and then you brought your handsome man here and you fucked him and tortured him to death.

She went all little girl on him. All doe-eyed and pouty. Hard to pull off while gore-spattered, but she did it.

-You know how I am, Cleaner. Sometimes, I…need to release things. I miss Dad.

-He would not be happy right now, Ai. Your father did all he could to circumvent trouble. He never courted it like you do. Saori is in control because she is like him. Junko is in control because she is like her mother. You are not in control because you are like your mother. You are dangerous.

Ai leaned against the cage surrounding the bed and hit the back of her head softly against the bars.

-He loved my mother, though. He never loved Junko’s mother or Saori’s mother. Is this why they look down on me? Why they hate me so much?

-They hate you because you do things like torture and kill handsome men in inappropriate places and ways. Because I have to spend more time fixing your messes than handling business problems. And because your father did love your mother most of all. But I am Cleaner, Ai, not Counselor. Perhaps you need to speak with her about this. I only know of death and how to give it and how to hide its presence and how to imply it to gain advantage. I know nothing of the strange things of your mind.

-You always clean up my messes. I’ve never thanked you for that.

-No, you haven’t.

-Thank you.

-I get paid. Very well. So don’t bother to thank me again.

-What you do for me, you don’t get paid for.

Ai rubbed her nose. Some dried blood flaked off. Cleaner watched her, rosy-cheeked and beautiful in her shame.

-I need you to shower now, Ai.

They went into the bathroom. Huge and open and concrete. Steel manacles hung from chains bolted to the wall. Cleaner shook his head. He sucked his teeth and pulled a garbage bag from his coat pocket. He held it open and Ai stripped. He didn’t need to be there. He could have waited outside and begun to deal with Fuck Buddy but he didn’t move. His hands shook as she peeled off her bloody top, shimmied out of her tiny skirt. Naked, she stood before him and smiled. She made no attempt to hide herself, no effort to be coy. There was no shyness or embarrassment. She knew he didn’t like feigned modesty. She dropped the top into the bag then slowly bent over to pick the skirt up from the floor. Naked, she was hyper-confident and sharp. She dropped the skirt into the bag, stepping unnecessarily close as she did so.

-Here.

His gaze lingered on her. He couldn’t help it. He stood there holding the open garbage bag even after she had started to shower. He finally got it together and left the bathroom. He unzipped his suitcase and flipped open the top. He took out a roll of plastic sheeting, a thick roll of tape and a large set of knives rolled up in black cloth. He stripped naked save for his hairnet and gloves. He crouched down on his haunches and looked at Fuck Buddy. He peeled off a glove and with his naked hand he ran his fingers over the cigarette burns, the cuts, the welts, feeling where she had been, re-tracing her movements across the map of the body. Each time she’d killed, he’d done this. It was now a part of the pre-clean ritual of her fuck-ups.

His heart started beating strange and uneven. He felt himself getting...something. As he wasn’t really used to feeling much of anything, he couldn’t pin the feeling down. He stood up and lit a smoke, looked around for the blade Ai had used. The cuts all over Fuck Buddy were small and clean but deep and numerous. Cleaner suspected a razor. Sure enough, on the floor near the body was a tiny razor blade. He picked it up with his gloved hand. It was a blade from the device with which she shaved her eyebrows down. It was bloody. He dropped it in the bag with her clothes and then added Fuck Buddy’s clothes and belongings to it. Before he dropped Fuck Buddy’s phone in, he flipped it open and checked the messages.

What he found was not good.

He turned the phone off and tossed it into the bag. He stood outside the bathroom and smoked and watched Ai shower. He thought about Fat Boy downstairs. He thought about the cleaning staff somewhere in the building. He thought about the other guests. Had anyone else possibly seen Ai? There could be no room for witnesses anymore. He would have to kill everyone in the hotel, burn the place to the ground. He saw himself going from room to room, butchering whoever occupied them, leaving the playful sexual settings tainted spaces of bloody, crude irony through the violence and death he would bring to them. He wished he hadn’t looked at Fuck Buddy’s phone. He wished he was still ignorant of what he now knew: this was a mess beyond cleaning. He fought down paranoia, breathed deep and thought.

Do what you came to do, how you came to do it. The future is beyond your control. You cannot raze a hotel to the ground. You cannot slaughter all the guests and get away with it and even if you could, then what? Kill everyone at the restaurant they went to? Kill everyone that might have seen them in the street? Annihilate Osaka itself? Sometimes you clean by making a bigger mess. This is not one of those times. This time, a bigger mess is nothing more than a bigger fucking mess. This is a time for prayer and luck.

He crouched down and slapped Fuck Buddy in the face. He grabbed Fuck Buddy’s face between his fingers and stared into the still-open eyes.

-You should have been stronger. She is a goddess, but she is insane. You should have been so much stronger, because I cannot be.

Fuck Buddy slumped into his arms when his restraints were unbuckled. Cleaner hoisted him over a shoulder and with his knife set under his other arm, he carried him into the bathroom. Ai, naked and freshly toweled off, stood there watching Cleaner as he dumped Fuck Buddy onto the smooth concrete floor. It was a fine place for a spot of dismemberment, hard and flat and complete with a nearby drain for easy cleaning. Cleaner rolled out his knives. Ai got down on her knees and gazed down at the blades. She touched the delicate engravings, the swirling patterns, the hammered finish of the cobalt steel.

-They’re beautiful. They’re sashimi knives? I’ve never seen such beautiful blades.

-They are modified sashimi and kitchen knives, yes. They were built to cut and bone and fillet. They don’t care what they cut and bone and fillet as long as they do the jobs for which they were made. Stand back, we just got you clean.

-Can I help?

-I need you to clean the bedroom. Go to my suitcase; get out the bag of cleaning paraphernalia and the vacuum, put on gloves, a plastic jumpsuit and a hairnet.

-I want to help.

He looked at her. She held up a kawamuki – a knife made for skin-peeling.

-We don’t need to use that one.

He took it from her hands.

-We just need to…chop. There is no need for anything fancy or skilful. We just need to chop and wrap.

She watched him work. She watched the blades do the jobs for which they were made. When she started to help, he didn’t resist.

*

Cleaner smoked and through the gap in the curtains watched as the sun came up. Ai wore a tight pair of jeans, some runners and a t-shirt. Cleaner forbade her to wear make-up and she looked nothing like herself as a result. She looked like something innocent. She rested a hand on his shoulder and with him watched the natural light slowly supersede the neon.

At night, the cityscape emitted an artificial yet warm orange glow with dabs of blue and red. Apartment and office lights dotted dark concrete buildings with uniform pinpricks of white. The colors blended in impressionistic ripples off the Dotonbori, hiding the river’s true murk. Alive and playful at night, maze-like Osaka beckoned Cleaner, invited him into its corners, its alleys, its dead ends and its throughways, making it a part of him and him of it. In the day, Osaka, hazy and hung-over, grey and brown, repulsed Cleaner. Its filthy river, its faceless business men, its hordes of brand-obsessed consumers all alienated him. It was like stepping into a parallel world.
Ai saw only the sun and the light blue sky of the morning.

-It’s going to be a beautiful day.

Cleaner stubbed out his smoke in a nearby ashtray and turned to the suitcase. Upright and full, it sat in the centre of the room. The white elephant, butchered and quartered, stuffed within in individually wrapped pieces.

-What you’ve done...it will come back to you. To us.

Ai took his hand and held it tight.

-It doesn’t have to.

*

Saori Shibata woke from a night of horrible dreams like old Koji Wakamatsu movies. She rolled over and picked up her phone from her nightstand. Shinji hadn’t returned her messages. Saddened, she went to the bathroom, fixed her hair and put on her face. She gave her eyebrows an extra sharpness with black pencil, colored her lips a dark blood red and dressed all in black. By the time she was done, she not only looked like the kind of porcelain doll a sadist would create but had also unconsciously fashioned herself from the stuff of her dreams. She knew Shinji had someone else and his current silence only confirmed it. She didn’t know who the someone was, but it wouldn’t be hard to find out. Saori looked at herself in the mirror and wondered aloud:

-Who do I find and kill first?

BIO: Cameron Ashley lived in Japan for three years, teaching English like everybody does. He managed to stay fairly level-headed (even though he bears a striking resemblance to mega-popular anime character Lupin III and caused several small outbreaks of Lupin-mania) but his Japanese is crap. He would like to point out that Cleaner is a fool and Osaka during the day is good times. This is the second Shibata story and he has a lot more yet to write. If they don’t suck, hopefully you will find them here in the near-ish future. You can find his other stuff at Plots with Guns, Powder Burn Flash & The Flash Fiction Offensive. He would like to thank C&C Quality Control for their assistance.

Thursday, June 4, 2009

A Twist Of Noir 095 - Cameron Ashley

SWEETFISH BATTLE - CAMERON ASHLEY

OUTSIDE OF PALM DESERT, CALIFORNIA

Courier pulled off the highway and took a much needed piss on a couple of small, bulbous cacti that looked a bit like prickly, mismatched tits. He looked up at the clouds overhead, light and whipped like meringue peaks. Some of these looked like tits, too. He needed to get laid.

He scratched at his biker beard with his free hand, looked on up at the big white tits drifting away from him slowly. Story of his life.

His phone went off:

I don't share your greed...The only card I need...

'Ahhh, fuck...'

The Ace of Spades! The Ace of Spades!

Reaching into his pocket, he lost his balance just enough to splash piss on his left boot.

The Ace--

'Goddammit. Yeah?'

On the other end: a voice. High-pitched, Japanese-accented.

Saori.

He finished, holstered himself and zipped up. He walked back to his 1978 Triumph Bonneville. The bike was dusty and scarred by long miles. On the gas tank: an elaborately painted, old-school flash art skull, the word Courier on its forehead, roses winding through empty eye-sockets. Flowing script bordered the skull: when it absolutely, posi-fucking-tively has to be there now.

'Ah. Konnichi-wa yourself, Miss Shibata. I'm on my way. What? I had to stop for a piss. Uh-huh. I had to stop for a fuckin' piss. Yeah, well, you try ridin’ a fuckin’ bike when your bladder feels like a—'

Saori turned it up a notch and Courier pulled the phone from his ear.

'That's a mighty big English word there, Saori...those lessons been paying off. And I am not being insubordinate, I am just emptying my fucking--'

He fished in the breast pocket of his denim vest for his smokes. First one he shook loose was busted. He flicked it away, second was good to go. He fired it up with a Zippo adorned with a picture of his guitar hero, Randy Rhodes.

'Shit, Saori, I pick stuff up for you and I drop it off. It ain't brain surgery, sure, but sometimes shit just comes up that puts the schedule off some. Yes, I know about that. Yes, I know about that, too. Yeah? Well, maybe I wanna talk myself out of this job, you ever think of that? Huh? Well, maybe I wanna meet a nice girl and I'll never do that in this line of work and...Your sister? Which one? Oh. No. She's a little...no. No, she's not that bad. I was thinking more like...um...unusual. Yes, I did see her video. No, no, it takes a special kinda girl to do bukkake flicks, for real. I'm just not sure I...Yeah, I'm flattered though, you tell her that.'

He sucked the remaining goodness from his smoke, flicked it away and straddled the bike.

'Uh-huh, well. I'd better...yeah. It's cool. Yup. Uh. Thank. Uh. No. Thank you for your hard work. Mata, ne? Yeah, I learned it. Ok. Bye.'

Courier fired up his bike. He pulled back onto the highway and headed for town.

'Broads.'

SWISSOTEL NANKAI HOTEL, OSAKA, JAPAN

Saori Shibata shut off her phone and threw it into her designer handbag. She tapped her long fake nails on the restaurant table and gazed across at her younger sister, Ai. They both wore matching white suit jackets with miniskirts. Ai had somehow gotten stuff from the chocolate fondue fountain on her sleeve. Saori wanted to bitch about it, but let it go.

-Courier says he's running late.

She popped a piece of chocolate covered pineapple into her mouth.

-He also says he won't fuck you, Ai.

Ai pouted and picked at the chocolate spot, smearing it into a muddy blur.

-Oh. But I so like his big beard. Is it a racial thing?

-I think it's the pink films.

Ai made a sound like her Pomeranian just refused to wake up.

Saori found her sister's disappointment sweeter than the chocolate.

SHIKI JAPANESE STEAK HOUSE, PALM DESERT, CALIFORNIA

There’s Kobe beef and Kobe-style beef. American producers may claim there’s little difference, but unless your cows are massaged with sake, brushed daily and fed special grains that they wash down with a beer, you ain’t eating Kobe beef.

Hiroyuki imported his meat from the slaughterhouse in Himeji that his family owned and operated. Pretty dumb-ass move for a guy on the lam, but Hiroyuki was nothing if not a traditionalist. Authentic Teppenyaki was paramount.

Courier sat at one of several communal tables, popped edamame in his mouth and drank Asahi -- Hyogo livestock’s beer of choice. Courier thought a sake-massage sounded pretty sweet, too, wondered where he could get one of those. He watched Hiroyuki at work -- frying up garlic chips on his huge hotplate and masterfully browning some remarkably marbled beef. The guy was an artist, no doubt, capable of so much more than cooking steaks for gawking tourists.

Hiroyuki bantered some with the customers and did a lot of bowing. Courier looked on, put away Asahi and enjoyed a good feed. Hiroyuki eyed him off, clearly aware something was up but Courier just smiled and titled his beer glass in the chef’s direction.

The crowd thinned out some close to closing and Courier decided it was time for a chat.

‘I saw you on Iron Chef.’

Hiroyuki scraped down his grill.

‘Sweetfish Battle. What was that about, huh? I gotta say, I’m pretty open-minded, food-wise, but some of that stuff looked pretty nasty to me. Chocolate-covered innards ain’t really my bag.’

‘It wasn’t really designed for the Western taste.’

‘You were big time in Japan, huh? What brings you out here?’

Hiroyuki stabbed a large, two-pronged meat fork into the table between Courier's hands.

Courier barely twitched.

‘You have Shibata stink all over you. You should tell me what you want.’

‘You gonna go all ninja on me, Hiroyuki? Might wanna rethink that. I’ve got a black belt in Badass.’

Hiroyuki looked about the restaurant. The last customers were through the door and missed the show. However, Mika, the night’s remaining waitress, caught it and stood frozen to the spot. Hiroyuki plucked his fork from the table and put his nice face back on for the girl.

-Mika-chan, everything is fine here. You can go home early. Everything is fine.

Mika didn’t so much as breathe.

-Mika-chan. You may go. Thank you for your hard work.

Mika went:

-Are you sure?

Courier put away another beer and pulled a cash-heavy money clip from his pocket.

‘Just a little dispute over the bill, sweetheart. You know how this shit is; it tastes so good you put it away and put it away and before you know it, you’ve blown like a week’s wages. Nothing for you to worry about. My bad.’

Mika made a confused face, then gave a little shrug.


*

Courier watched the spotted koi swim about the pond like little moving slices of rainbow. Fish always chilled him out. It was a nice night, lit warmly by lanterns that shifted softly with the breeze. Hiroyuki chain-smoked Peace cigarettes with shaking hands. Courier figured him for about as stressed as a man could get. An appropriate reaction, considering Courier had just slapped him around. Hiroyuki lit another up.

‘You work for them, don’t you?’

‘I do.’

‘They are very bad. Do you know this?’

‘I do.’

‘How did you find me?’

‘I don’t know the actual who-got-what-from-who of it. There’s another guy does that. I know it wasn’t very hard though, man. Your family supplies your fuckin’ meat.’

‘Another guy? So what do you do?’

‘I’m the guy who brings them things they want.’

‘Is the old man still alive?’

‘He’s clinging on, yeah.’

-Shit.

-He’s a tough old dog. You know this already.

-You speak Japanese?

-A little. Go slow and we’ll be cool. The sisters' English is not so good. I learned some to help out.

-The sisters. How I hate them.

-You shouldn’t have run away from them. They are very angry.

-I hate them. Ai and her horrible porn films. Saori is a mean, cold-hearted bitch. And Junko…

‘I never met Junko.’

‘She’s worst of all. Why do they want me back? Why couldn’t they just leave me alone?’

‘The old man is clinging on, like I said. But not for much longer. His dying wish is a week's worth of food cooked by you and spoon-fed to him by gravure idols.’

Hiroyuki ground out a smoke underfoot. Courier thought he actually looked moved for the briefest of moments before he flushed once again with hatred.

-Fuck him.

‘See, now this is why I’m here. They know no money or sweet-talking would get you hot-footing it to the airport.’

Hiroyuki lit a fresh Peace. Offered one to Courier, who took it. Hiroyuki lit him up.

-He’s nothing but a filthy criminal with an empire of smut, drugs and violence. His daughters are deranged bitches. I’ll never go back to that. They will not own me or my food again.

‘I caught, like, fifty percent of that, dude.’

‘Afterwards, once he is dead. Will I be allowed to return?’

‘Here?’

‘Hai.’

‘Not my call, Hiroyuki. I’m just a guy who fetches stuff.’

-What if I refuse?

Courier lifted up his Sabbath T-shirt. Exposed the Desert Eagle stuffed down the front of his jeans cushioned by his belly hair.

UNDISCLOSED LOCATION, JAPAN

-Hello?

-Cleaner, this is Saori Shibata.

-Good evening to you, Saori.

-You may have heard that my father passed in the night.

-I did. My most sincere condolences to you and your sisters. He was a remarkable man.

-My sisters and I thank you, Cleaner.

-How can I be of assistance?

-Courier is flying in a particularly ungrateful package that we have no longer any need of.

-The Chef?

-You’ve heard? I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised. We would like you to do what it is that you do so very well.

Cleaner got the flight details and hung up. He rolled his sashimi knives delicately and neatly into a black cloth and walked to his car with them under his arm. Halfway there, he snapped his fingers and went back to the house.

He needed a pen and some paper.

There were some sweetfish recipes he wanted to write down.

BIO: Cameron Ashley currently lives and drinks in Brunswick, Melbourne. Just down the road from where someone got stabbed to death the other week. Great. You can find his work at Plots with Guns and The Flash Fiction Offensive. He owes Jimmy Callaway a beer.