Showing posts with label Tom Leins. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Tom Leins. Show all posts

Monday, December 13, 2010

A Twist Of Noir 642 - Tom Leins

OTHER PEOPLE’S PUSSY - TOM LEINS

Outside my window a mixture of rain and snow turns to slush in the gutter. It makes me think of sex.

The closer I edge to death, the more I think about sex. I’m 62. I don’t have too many good years left in me. I’d been seeing Barbette on-and-off for four months now. We met through a mutual friend and she flat-backed her way into my affections. I’m not a wealthy man, but I’ve got my own apartment, and that makes me a hell of a catch for a woman of Barbette’s limited means. She’s pushing forty, but she still possesses a certain spiny kind of beauty. Like all couples, we have our ups and downs.

She performs in a transparent skirt over at The Slow Club. Her dance routine is about as sexy as a jailhouse wedding, but at my age I take what I can get. The problem is, she can’t hold her sugar, and it’s starting to show. I kicked the cack back in ’97, just in time for my fiftieth birthday. The way Barbette’s going, she won’t make 50. The dragon will eat her bones long before that.

Lately her estranged husband has been sniffing around the club, on the prowl for a little meat to go with his wine. He’s a pro-wrestler - wrestles under the name of the Jazz Butcher. His real name is Alvin Lupus, and he’s one scary motherfucker. I’m old enough to remember him when he was a kid, just starting out. Back then, he was scrawny, like a bag of bones. Used to leak blood like a pussy every time he got hit. Now he’s one of the big dogs, weighs at least 280lbs.

The intercom screeches, and I buzz him in wordlessly. I slump into my easy chair, chest wheezing, knees sore. Fucking Florida can’t come soon enough. Alvin’s wearing a navy blue duffel coat over his spandex leotard. His face is creased with old scars, but he covers them up with thick, white circus make-up when he fights. It makes his black eyes look like bottomless pits. He can’t wrestle at the moment – busted his knees up pretty good in a Scaffolding Match – but he’s been filming TV spots for a new federation over in Testament. His face is freshly scrubbed, but his scars are still full of greasepaint.

“You want a drink, Alvin?”

He dips into the pocket of his duffel coat and plucks out a clear, unlabeled bottle.

“Didn’t know if you’d have any, so I brought my own.”

He unscrews the cap and gulps thirstily.

“Mescal. Picked up a crate of stuff when I was fighting down South last month. Burst some guy’s spleen with a steel chair. Put him in a steel fucking chair of his own. Those goddamn bastards used to be tough.”

“Do you have the paperwork.”

“Fuck, no. I’m here to pick Barbette up. Take her home and fuck her ragged.”

I sigh.

“I like you, Alvin. Don’t give me a reason to hurt you.”

He cackles his familiar machine-gun laugh.

“Hurt me, old man? You’re more likely to hurt yourself.”

He cackles again, shifting his huge buttocks irritably on the small wooden dining chair.

Barbette drifts out of the shadows, still wearing her transparent skirt. She flashes me a drugged smile.

“Hey, Alvin, how’s tricks?”

“Hey, babe. I was just telling Sugar Daddy here that playtime’s over.”

She caresses the back of Alvin’s neck, running her fingers through his greasy black hair.

“Sure was fun though, wasn’t it?”

She wedges the gun in his ear. It’s time to kill off the inexplicable ghosts.

Barbette fiddles with the hem of her plastic skirt as she empties the piece into Alvin’s skull. The problem with Barbette is, she never had any self-control. I’ll be picking spent bullets out of his mouldy carcass all evening.

BIO: Tom Leins is from Paignton, UK. His short stories have appeared online at Beat The Dust, Hit & Run Magazine, Disenthralled, Flash Fiction Offensive, Powder Burn Flash and A Twist Of Noir. He also writes a weekly DVD column, entitled Sex, Leins & Videotape.

Sunday, October 31, 2010

A Twist Of Noir 616 - Tom Leins

THE RATTLESNAKE DADDY - TOM LEINS

No one knew his real name, but we called him the Rattlesnake Daddy. I remember the first time I met him: our mutual friends were trading poisons in the back-room, and we killed time swapping prison stories outside. I was sitting on a plastic lawn-chair, sweating like a sun-dog as the stale night air started to congeal. Despite the all-consuming heat Rattlesnake looked cold. Later that night, he introduced me to his girlfriend, Olivia. He claimed that she was the only seven-fingered prostitute for four States. After he had retired to bed, I stayed up with Olivia, drinking rum and cokes. Sometime before dawn she kissed me so hard that she almost dislocated my jaw. As she undressed, obscene thoughts rattled around my head like loose teeth. We fucked in the dirt, and afterwards I licked up her tears.

When I emerged from the guest bedroom a few hours later the Rattlesnake Daddy was kneeling on the threadbare carpet, piecing together an Elvis Presley jigsaw puzzle. Vague daylight crept into the trailer. He was sweating and shaking.

“What’s up? Are you sick?”

“Not sick, just blank.”

After breakfast he offered me a job. A low-level heist, taking down a Mexican seafood factory. His contact was an ex-wrestler known as Gringo Starr. He fought in Mexico for his whole career before getting forcibly retired when some punk with a Tijuana switchblade put his eye out in a parking lot brawl. Now he worked as a rent-a-cop at the factory for minimum wage and all the seafood he could eat. He said that the guy who ran the factory was too cheap to use an armoured car, and relied on a posse of backwater hoodlums to bank his takings for him. Easy money, he said. Like anything in this life is easy. Rattlesnake was gonna be the wheelman; me and a guy named Tiny Tony were the muscle. Yeah, the name was ironic: motherfucker weighed at least 400lbs.

In the employee parking lot the air felt dry and dangerous. The dusty black van rolled out of the depot and into the midday glare. Rattlesnake tapped the gas and nudged in front of it as it approached the perimeter gate. I levelled my shotgun through the open window and blasted the windshield indiscriminately, splintering it on impact. From where I was sitting it looked like at least one of them was leaking blood. We slipped out of the car. In Tiny Tony’s fat hands the firearm looked like a fucking squirt gun. We approached the back of the van, blistering sunshine making my face sweat inside the balaclava. The door creaked open and a guy with slicked back hair and a little moustache poked his head out, thin grin etched across his scarred face.

I remember hitting the deck as the semi-automatic weapon sprayed across the forecourt, peppering the employee’s cars. Riddled with bullets, Tiny Tony collapsed like a blood-filled lung. Fuck. Rattlesnake stepped out of the car, tooled up. He aimed across the hood and splattered the shooter’s skull meat across the van. As I picked myself off the ground I saw a thick spurt of salsa-coloured blood spray out of Rattlesnake’s chest. The driver spat something at me in Spanglish, and levelled his weapon at my face. I fired at him blindly and heard the dull impact of bullet on bone, before dragging the Rattlesnake Daddy across to the car, leaving a thick red smear on the gravel. I mashed the accelerator and swerved out of the parking lot, glancing across at the Rattlesnake Daddy, bloody words forming on his blue lips.

“We sure taught those punks a lesson, huh, kid?”

He bled out within an hour.

BIO: Tom Leins is from Paignton, UK. His short stories have appeared online at Beat The Dust, Hit & Run Magazine, Disenthralled, Flash Fiction Offensive, Powder Burn Flash and A Twist Of Noir. He also writes a weekly DVD column, entitled Sex, Leins & Videotape.

Friday, September 24, 2010

A Twist Of Noir 585 - Tom Leins

BLOODY FINGERPRINTS (PART TWO OF THE ‘BAD BLOOD’ SERIES) - TOM LEINS

When you see the sun rise in East Paignton, it looks like a collapsed lung filling up with blood. I gaze through the grilled hospital window at the local bone-yard. Mornings like this make you feel happy to be alive.

*

I rip the drip-feed out of my arm and watch the yellow liquid spurt weakly against the wall like a dead man’s piss. I heave my dead legs out of the hospital bed and grip the bedside table for support. The ominous plastic sign above my bed warns ‘Paignton Hospital – Trauma Unit.’ As my eyes adjust to the early morning gloom, I grope around for my clothing, half-expecting that it has already been incinerated in the basement by the elderly porter with the lazy eye. I notice a threadbare brown suit hanging on a peg next to the window. The old man in the next bed looks at me pleadingly. His ravaged body is scabbed with piss-blisters. He has yellow eyes and an unlit cigarette in his mouth. I offer him a grim smile and unfasten his trousers. His eyes moisten as I slip on his jacket and retrieve his wallet from the bedside table. The road to oblivion is paved with tiny crimes.

*

Before I leave the hospital room, I untuck the borrowed shirt and scrutinize my knife wound in the greasy mirror. Someone once said that whatever doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger. If he was here now I’d shank him in the gut, see how he feels then. I push through the double-doors and step tentatively into the filthy dawn. A piss-coloured haze hangs over the early morning street. I trudge past the graveyard towards Winner Street. During the storms last winter the teeth, knuckles and trinkets from the unmarked graves came loose and flowed down the hill, splattering against the parked cars on Palace Avenue. Poor, dead motherfuckers.

*

As I reach the top of Church Street, I can see that Winner Street is already choked-up with rubberneckers and prowl cars. I button the old man’s jacket over my oozing midriff and pick my way through the crowds. A prostitute has been beaten to death with a brick outside Cantonese Roy’s slop-shop. I glance down at her corpse: a needle-tracked white girl wearing nothing but an ugly scowl and a cheap fur coat. Her name used to be Shannon. In death, as in life, she looks half-feral. I turn up my collar and sidestep past the emergency services and gawpers. Halfway down Winner Street, Palace Avenue gapes open like a mangy old fanny. I carry on walking – past ‘Spackford’s Seconds’ – his rusty wheelchair abandoned in the doorway; past the Cavendish – boarded-up windows resembling a grim, unnatural smile; past the unnamed muscle bar where the rough trade suck and flounce long past dawn. At the end of the street, outside the House of Chung, a boy-whore in thigh-high boots grins at me through ruby-red lips

“You wanna bump ‘n’ grind, mister?”

I shake my head. Winner Street has really gone to the dogs.

“Take a walk, kid. Too much happiness could kill me right now.”

He scowls and spits petulantly on the tarmac at my feet.

“Your loss, big man.”

*

I cut down Totnes Road, trying to shake off the early morning chill. Outside the Dirty Lemon, Terry is scrubbing a bloodstain off the wheelchair ramp. He can’t figure out whether to smile at me or scowl, and his face contorts into some kind of leer. I haven’t been here in weeks, but nothing much changes - it smells like medicine and stinks like hell. Anton is centre-stage, grinding in front of the last of the breakfast trade. A bloodshot eye winks at me in the gloom. Jellylegs. I drift towards him, shoes sticking to the dirty linoleum. He’s on mop duty, but he looks far too ill to be working anywhere. Anywhere but the Dirty Lemon, that is. Shit, his skin looks like fucking orange peel.

“Jellylegs.”

“Joe.”

We shake hands, and I feel his slim hand tremble.

“How long have you been out, ‘Legs?”

“Almost three weeks.”

“Is that long enough to get the prison smell off?”

“Nearly.”

Over Jellylegs’ shoulder I can see Meathook Mulligan relaxing in a two-seater booth with a pink cocktail. I heard a rumour that they used to be cellmates on the inside. Jellylegs is a tough kid, and I wonder if Meathook managed to make him his bitch. There are some questions that you don’t ask – not even to your friends. I take another look. Meathook has got a face like a factory floor. Bouffant black hair hangs over the collar of his safari jacket. Last time I saw him he was down at the Excelsior Hotel with a pump-action shotgun across his lap. The TV lounge looked like a butcher’s slab, but Meathook was immaculate – pristine safari jacket buttoned up to his throat. He had two cops handcuffed to the metal TV bracket and was making them kiss. I shudder as the bad memory unspools inside my mind.

“Much changed around here, Joe?”

I start to chuckle, but it comes out as a wheeze...

“Not a lot. I was down at the Psycho-A-Go-Go last week, and they still had the same fat girls dancing onstage as last year...”

Jellylegs guffaws. I think back to that night – the fat girls queuing up backstage like so many fleshy products. It was hotter than a Turkish whorehouse. I remember drifting down the corridor into Swollen Roland’s parlour. I half-remember the girl’s face, the taste of her cracked-out lips as she wedged the blade into my guts. Sitting here, shooting the shit with Jellylegs, it feels like some kind of crazy, coked-up dream. Only the pulsing wound in my side reminds me that I nearly died that night. Jellylegs pats me on the back, and drifts back towards the floorshow, mop in hand.

*

My guts are groaning like a stomped out sex offender in a holding cell, so I signal to Terry, lurking in the doorway with his own bloodstained mop. He looks shifty, and offers me a laminated breakfast menu.

“What’s today’s special?”

“It’s new. I call it the Dirty Burger.”

“What’s in it?”

“Ah. It’s just like a normal burger, but I’ve got meat on the outside, and bread in the middle.”

I look quizzically at him.

“Why would you want to do that?”

“Well, it seemed like a good idea at the time. Do you want one?”

“Fuck it, yeah, hook me up.”

*

I wipe my greasy fingers on the old man’s suit.

Terry beams expectantly at me, fiddling with a filthy bar rag.

“How was it?”

“Dirty. Any more of them and I’ll end back in hospital.”

Terry grins, mistaking my critique for a compliment. As I motion to leave he thrusts a scrap of paper at me.

“Had a phone call for you when you were away. He didn’t leave a message though. Just a name.”

I glance down at the piece of paper. In capitals: ‘WET-LOOK’

*

Wet-Look is an ex-cop, who was kicked off the force for sodomizing a male prisoner in a holding cell. He operates a gumshoe business out of a poky office above the North Atlantic Video Lounge. His real name is Charles, but I’m not sure whether that’s his first name or surname. He’s a greasy sadist with fat hands and strong arms. He’s got grease-streaked silver hair and unruly mutton-chop sideburns. He hasn’t been near a shower in months, and all of his clothing is tinged yellow with filth. As I walk up the rickety staircase the stink hits me. I peer through the doorway and see him gnawing at an oversized chicken leg. He’s sweating hard, and the stench fills my nostrils. His furniture looks like it has been scavenged off the street. He wipes chicken grease off his chin with his shirt sleeve and runs his fingers through his hair.

“Joseph. Rumours of your demise have been exaggerated.”

I nod, and he smiles joylessly, soaking his throat with a glass of supermarket own-brand brandy. The chipped tumbler clatters against his rotten teeth.

“You want a drink?”

“I probably shouldn’t.”

“I won’t tell if you don’t.”

He smirks and pours three fingers of brandy into his tumbler, sliding it across the scarred desk towards me. I grimace and drink half of it.

“I heard that some bitch stuck a tool in your belly down at the Psycho-A-Go-Go. Damn near killed you.”

“You shouldn’t believe everything you hear.”

He glances at my gut and notices the blood seeping through the old man’s shirt.

“So you don’t want my help?”

“What with?”

“Tracking down the culprit. I used to be a cop you know.”

I sigh, as if I could forget about his illustrious employment history.

“Why are you helping me, Wet-Look?”

“Paignton’s a selfish dirty town. You never know when you might need a favour in return.”

My moral fibre feels corrupted just by being here. I feel like I’m making a pact with the devil. I nod quickly. Wet-Look leans forward and a clump of greasy hair slumps forward across his forehead. I watch nervously as a drop of grease drips from the tip of his hair and fizzes in my drink.

“Don’t worry, Joe. The only way to survive in this town is to corrupt yourself.”

I shrug.

“Chick you’re looking for works part-time at the Babydoll Lounge. Name’s Nadia. She’s fifteen. Be gentle with her.”

I stand up sharply and wince as the pain rips through my gut.

“Fuck off, Wet-Look. She put me in the fucking trauma unit.”

He holds his hands up to placate me, before reaching under his desk and heaving a kit-bag onto the battered woodwork.

“Maybe I can interest you in something from my bag of tricks?”

I peer into the kit-bag uncertainly. When I walk down the rickety wooden steps a few minutes later, brass knuckles, handcuffs and a .32 with the serial number filed off bulge in my jacket pockets. Party time.

*

Every street in Paignton has its own smell, but once you reach the outskirts of town everything starts to smell like rotten animal carcasses. I’m in the Paignton badlands, where the whores too ravaged to operate on the fringes of polite society ply their trade. This town’s industrial corridor is littered with four-story concrete shells that were abandoned when the contractor was found hip-deep in wet cement, face caved in with a pickax. Robert Fontaine greased a few palms, and turned one of these abandoned buildings into the Babydoll Lounge. As I walk across the parking lot I see a man with a face full of crank-sores getting jerked off in the back seat of a small, rusted-out car. The afternoon sky looks dirty over the half-finished industrial landscape. Outside the Babydoll Lounge, Michael Marques puffs on his tiny cigarillo as the unnecessary neon glare pulses behind him. His hair is matted with dried blood. He may be small, but he’s the toughest goddamn midget I’ve ever met. He drops his thin, black cigarillo in the gutter and clears his throat.

“Hey, Joe.”

“Hello, Michael.”

“You don’t look so good, man.”

“Trust me – I feel even worse than I look.”

“Shit. You really are fucked up! You’ve been making a lotta noise. For a dead man, that is.”

“Sometimes it can’t be helped...”

He glances up at me and grins.

“Are you gonna make a mess in there?”

“That depends how many people try to get in my way.”

He steps aside, laughing.

“See you on the other side, brother.”

*

Robert Fontaine claims to be the only pornographer in Paignton who’s into kiddie filth for the cash; although, frankly, I have my doubts. I walk through the lobby, glancing at the preteen portraits on the wall and feel the sickness wash over me. I bypass the lounge-bar, ignoring the timid new girl exposing herself under the greasy lights in front of a handful of disinterested deviants. The word on the street is that this place doesn’t get going until after midnight. Robert keeps his cutest girls under lock and key until then. I knock twice on his office door, and enter without waiting for a response. Fontaine is barely ten years older than me, but he looks at least twice my age. He’s got a close-cropped head of prematurely grey hair and a strangely wrinkled brow that makes him look permanently perplexed. The only things noticeable about him are his studied ordinariness and unsettling knack for idle chatter. I knew him back when he was pulling off greasy scams down at the bus station, luring shivering runaways into his hatchback for teenage kicks. He started pissing with the big dogs when his estranged father shuffled off this mortal coil, unwittingly bequeathing his riches to his disgraced son. If rumours are to be believed, he keeps the family bones in his safe, alongside his collection of homemade porn. He’s sitting at his desk, idly flipping through a sex-toy catalogue. He looks up curiously, before turning his attentions back to the catalogue.

“You wouldn’t believe the kind of thing that the Japanese are peddling now. Take this, for example. A fake pussy made of genuine cat fur. Designed to make pretty little boys look like pretty little girls. Marvelous.”

I swallow the bile in my throat, and feel my knife-wound tingle as the bile settles in my ruptured gut. Fontaine continues to flick through his catalogue. Without looking up:

“What’s happening, Joe? You come around here, thinking that maybe you can get a lick for free? You know that Robert Fontaine doesn’t give freebies.”

I pause, choosing my words carefully.

“Come on, Robert – what do you take me for? As impressive as it is, you know I don’t dig your scene.”

He taps cigarette ash into a heart-shaped ashtray on his desk and raises an eyebrow.

“I’ve never met a man who didn’t dig underage pussy.”

“What can I say? Maybe you should broaden your social circle?”

He chuckles amiably.

“Each to his own. Please take a seat.”

I settle in one of the leather armchairs adjacent to his desk.

“What can I do for you?”

“I’m looking for a girl.”

He guffaws.

“Well, why did you come to me? The girls I deal with are, well, girls.”

“Her name’s Nadia. I need to speak to her.”

He flashes me his liar’s grin.

“There’s no one of that name in...my employment.”

“I have it on good authority that she’s somewhere in this building.”

“Maybe she is, maybe she isn’t. Either way, I don’t see how it is of any concern of yours. If you must know, she’s a rich man’s plaything.”

“The only rich man I can see here is you, Robert.”

He smiles contentedly, and fingers the panic button on the underside of his desk.

“Please leave now, Joe. Otherwise I’ll get Bruno to chew you up like raw meat.”

An upholstered door creaks open in the corner, and Bruno trudges into the room, cracking his huge knuckles for my benefit.

“What’s up, Bruno?”

He grunts and circles the desk, continuing to crack his knuckles. I know Bruno all too well. He’s the kind of guy who busts you wide open and then carries on stomping. I’m not sure that I can withstand a sustained stomping in my present condition, so I dip into my jacket pocket and withdraw the .32 Wet-Look loaned me. Bruno keeps on coming. He’s smarter than he looks, and he knows that I’ve never shot anyone.

Yet.

I squeeze the trigger and put a bullet through his left foot. He yelps and crashes to the ground. I move in and pistol-whip his skull into the carpet. Even the back of his head is layered in flab, and I have to hit him three times before I dent the bone. Fat fuck. I twist the .32 in my hand and point it at Robert.

“What’s the code, motherfucker?”

“I...”

I stomp towards him and wedge the pistol into his eye-socket, rotating it sharply. I haul him up by his collar and slam him into the upholstered door, face-first. His nose cracks and when he turns around to protest, his mouth is already full of blood. His sweaty fingers fumble uncertainly over the keypad, but the panel beeps and the door creaks open. I whip the piece across the back of his head and jam him into the door-frame to stop it from closing behind me.

*

Fontaine’s romper room is littered with the signs of affluent boredom. Only the harnesses, chains and abundance of plastic sheeting suggest that it’s a pervert’s paradise rather than a cultured gentleman’s retreat. In the corner, Nadia’s mouldy body is shrunken like a doll. Her skin has a blue tinge, and only her crimson-painted mouth still looks alive. I kneel down next to her corpse and close her bloodshot eyes, inadvertently leaving bloody fingerprints on her pale eyelids in the process. I’m about to stand up, when I notice something tucked into her black lace panties. I retrieve it carefully, unwilling to violate her ravaged teenage body any further. It’s one of Swollen Roland’s oversized business cards. There are some words scrawled on the back of the card in unusually florid script. “Dear Joe, Welcome to the Kill-Pit. Kind Regards, Roland Smart.” That fat motherfucker has been playing me all along. I slip the business card into my jacket pocket and finger my own broken meat for collateral damage. I step over Fontaine’s limp body and vomit bile all over the thick shag-pile carpet. I feel lightheaded as my mind swims with ideas of inflicting revenge on Swollen Roland. I stumble forward, narrowly missing the desk as I fall. I taste carpet as I pass out. Swollen fucking Roland. The fatter they come, the harder they fall...

To Be Continued...

BIO: Tom Leins is from Paignton, UK. His short stories have appeared online at Beat The Dust, Hit & Run Magazine, Disenthralled, Flash Fiction Offensive, Powder Burn Flash and A Twist Of Noir. He also writes a weekly DVD column, entitled Sex, Leins & Videotape.

Sunday, November 15, 2009

A Twist Of Noir 254 - Tom Leins

BLOODY KISSES - TOM LEINS

People say that if you drive far enough out of Paignton the landscape starts to unravel. I wouldn’t know - I’ve never left.

*

It was a Friday night, and I was down at the Psycho-A-Go-Go, drinking away my pay-packet. The Psycho is one of those stark, deprived spaces that you’ve heard so much about. It first opened its doors two years ago as a makeshift strip club in the basement of a transient hotel called the Hotel Alaska. Last year, the Alaska was razed to the ground by a pair of meth-chefs called Gregg and Duane, who nodded out whilst boiling up their medicine. The roaches may not have survived, but the Psycho did, and ever since the place has gone from strength to strength.

*

I’m four drinks in, and the night is starting to bleed at the edges. The parlour snakes are practicing their frazzled seduction techniques in the bathroom mirror before slithering up to the stage and hitting on the one-armed go-go dancers. When all else fails, one or two just try hitting them... The Psycho-A-Go-Go is the place where a whole town full of lurkers go when they want to unwind. With this much subhuman scum in the vicinity, the club needs someone to dispense a little bit of tough love, and that’s where Half-Pint comes in. He’s the doorman – wider than he is tall, and twice as murderous. He lumbers around the club like a rhinoceros on a crack drip. Busting heads and taking names. Whenever he throws a punch, the DJ turns up the music to drown out the inevitable ruckus. As I reach for my fifth drink, he stands next to my booth, glaring at me through fat blank eyes. I don’t mind. Sex and territory are the only primal urges he truly understands.

*

Since I’ve been small, I’ve been good at finding meaning in meaningless places. I’d been going steady with Poppy for nearly six months. She was skag-skinny, but, unusually for this place, she still had both arms. When she finishes dancing, she weaves her way through the sweaty Friday night throng, beer bottle in hand, cigarette dangling from her bottom lip. She crunches the half-finished smoke underfoot and offers me a sultry look. I grin, and she forces her tongue so far back in my throat that I start to choke. She kisses me hungrily as a fist-fight erupts nearby. Within seconds, the club is drenched in sick feedback meltdown. Eventually I come up for air. Poppy offers me an unfamiliar brand of cigarette and I decline. Even after six months, she has difficulties grasping the fact that I don’t actually smoke.

“You want a drink, honey?”

“Sure. First I gotta see a man about a mule.”

She shrugs and drifts back into the crowd scene.

*

I slip out of the fire exit and circle back round to the front entrance. Ritchie is manning the ticket booth. He’s a dirt-bag booze-hound with a nasty habit of beating hookers. He used to own a chain of dirty video shops, but now he has fallen on hard times and pimps out runaways and derelicts for a guy named Swollen Roland. Weekends he works at the Psycho-A-Go-Go – presumably for the fringe benefits, rather than any kind of job satisfaction.

“Hey, Ritchie, is Roland around tonight?”

“No, not tonight.”

“Shit. I was hoping to talk business with him.”

“Business, hey?”

I shrug, nonchalantly.

“You still work for Ray Coody?”

I shrug, again.

“Shame. I heard that last year Ray Coody made more money than God.”

*

I make small-talk with Ritchie for a few minutes, staring over his shoulder into the belly of the building. When a group of drunken tourists pour through the double doors, I make myself scarce, brushing off Ritchie’s questions like dead fleas. When the Hotel Alaska burned down, Swollen Roland greased a few palms and turned the least charred downstairs bedrooms into a rudimentary office space. I’ve been here once or twice with Ray, and trace my way back without too much difficulty. The flickering filament bulbs cast increasingly freaky shadows as I edge down the corridor towards Roland’s office. When I arrive, I press my ear up against the door, but the only sound I can hear is the lazy rumble of Roland’s reinforced Jacuzzi.

I smile to myself. Reinforced Jacuzzi. Fat motherfucker.

I try the door handle and it creaks open first time. I grope for the light switch and the room is bathed in sick fluorescent light. I step inside and my eyes adjust to the artificial glare. The Jacuzzi in the corner bubbles with dirty water. A girl is perched on the edge, smoking a cigarette. She looks up and smiles, uncertainly. Her expensive cocktail dress looks as shapeless as a burlap sack on her bony frame. Her dirt-stained features look sketched out on something or other. I don’t recognise her face, but I recognise her shoes. She dances downstairs on Thirsty Thursdays. Her cracked lips frame a broken smile.

“Hello, Joe. Long time, no see.”

I’m about to respond, but I realise that I don’t actually know her name.

*

As I walk towards her, the door clicks shut behind me. I turn to see Luther Smart drifting into the middle of the room, clutching a choke-rope. Luther is Roland’s guttersnipe half-brother. He’s a pockmarked coke-fiend with a rictus grin. Crooked as a deformed snake and twice as ugly. He’s also really fucking stupid. I glance around for something to distract him with, and see a fat stack of cash sitting on Roland’s desk. I nudge the desk with my hip, and the stack of banknotes topples onto the carpet. The only thing that Luther likes more than cocaine is money. He eyes me warily and crouches to retrieve the cash. As he stoops down, I kick him in the throat. This boss-eyed motherfucker is dumber than a box of hair.

*

I prop Luther up against the Jacuzzi to stop him choking on his own blood. The motor whirs lazily. The carpet around the edge of the Jacuzzi is soaking wet. I retrieve the banknotes from Luther’s clenched fist and cram them into my jacket pockets. Even the ones splattered with his dirty blood. I take a cursory glance around the office before heading for the door. Before I can leave, the crack-whore in the corner drifts into my arms and presses her lips against mine. Her mouth tastes like cheap vodka.

“You don’t get it do you?”

“Huh?”

“This isn’t your story, Joe.”

“Huh?”

I try to pull back but the blade rips open my guts. I can’t seem to wriggle out of her bony grasp. She kisses me one last time before twisting the knife sharply. Two streets away, a prowl-car siren howls like a demented child. The last thing I remember before losing consciousness is her bloodstained cocktail dress. It clings to her scrawny torso as she walks out of my life and into someone else’s story. It doesn’t matter to me. Dead men don’t get paid...

BIO: Tom Leins is from Paignton, UK. His short stories have appeared online at 3am Magazine, Dogmatika, Straight From The Fridge, Beat The Dust, Savage Manners, Powder Burn Flash, The Flash Fiction Offensive and A Twist Of Noir.. He is currently hard at work on his first novel Thirsty & Miserable. Get your pound of flesh at: www.myspace.com/tomleins.

Friday, September 25, 2009

A Twist Of Noir 177 - Tom Leins

STOMPING GROUND - TOM LEINS

I’m standing on the fire escape with Butcher. It’s a hot day, but I can smell rain in the air. He’s smoking a cigarette in silence. Every now and again, he pauses to spit blood onto the bin-bags below. When he talks, his voice drones in the heat.

“Sawbones says that the bullet entered her mouth and passed through the back of her neck. Made a bloody fucking mess.”

I sigh. Mad children’s laughter echoes down the corridor and through the fire escape door.

“Bang. Just another scum-stain in Bone City.”

I suddenly feel exhausted.

“Maybe, Butcher. But she was my scum-stain.”

The Excelsior Hotel is the tallest building in Paignton. From our vantage point, the town centre looks like a tarmac leper colony. I gaze at the dirty web of side-streets wordlessly. Across the alleyway, I notice a badly-bruised woman with orange hair staring at me from the rooftop. A tall, cadaverous man walks over to her and puts his skinny arm around her waist. Her dress rides up and I can see a thin strip of pubic fur at the top of her legs. His lank, greasy hair whips around in the wind and makes me feel sick. He glares at me and flashes me a flick-knife sneer. I know his kind. I’ve had my fair share of gruesome romances and this guy’s days are darker than my nights. The swollen sky cracks. Rain dances across the rooftops. Love’s young dream retreats indoors.

“Just tell me where he is, Butcher.”

“I’m busted, Joe. I’ve got no connections, no juice. You’ll have to do things the old-fashioned way.”

*

Bent Eddie’s holding court in the TV lounge at the Hotel Alaska. He’s waxing lyrical about the time that he spent a fortnight in Alicante with a sun-ravaged male prostitute. Eddie leans back in his wheelchair and takes a delicate sip of gin.

“He was a lovely boy. Tight little body of a seventeen year-old, leathery old skin of a 45 year-old.”

His cronies chortle as he elaborates further. The laughter dries up as they notice me standing in the doorway. A teenage boy stands up and reaches under his jacket. I stomp on his instep and leave him writhing on the threadbare carpet.

“Hello, Eddie.”

“Hello, young man. What can I do for you?”

“I need to find Roach.”

A flicker of concern creases Eddie’s ugly, misshapen face.

“You heard what happened to Donna?”

Eddie grimaces and wriggles in his wheelchair, saying nothing.

An old-timer in the corner clears his throat.

“You have my condolences, son. There’s a special place in hell reserved for the bastard who did that.”

I nod to him.

“I’ll carry him to the burying ground myself if I have to.”

I grab Eddie by the throat and give it a gentle squeeze.

“Eddie, where’s Roach?”

He grunts, deflated.

“You like the chair? How about I make you quadriplegic next time? See how you like that, motherfucker?”

I let my threat soak in. All the way in. Slowly, with shaking hands, Eddie rips a page out of last week’s TV Guide. He retrieves a cheap biro from his shirt pocket and scrawls three words on the paper in florid handwriting. He folds it up and hands it to me. I slip it into my pocket and nod my thanks to him. He glares at me with sunken eyes as I turn around and walk back into the rain-ruined afternoon. Outside, I take out the piece of paper. Three words. The. Rusty. Cage.

*

I don’t feel like walking so I flag down a Voodoo Taxi near the bus station. The driver plugs some kind of gypsy cassette into the tape-deck. The music pulses like an open scar. He starts to shout over the music at me.

“You want a lady? I find you a lady. Good price. Clean lady.”

I shake my head irritably and lean back against the leatherette seat. He shrugs and turns the music up even louder. It sounds like animals being slaughtered.

*

By the time we reach the Rusty Cage, the rain has stopped and sky has turned the colour of concrete. I get out around the corner and watch the doorman for a few minutes. He’s skinny, and he smokes like a bastard. He doesn’t look like much of a threat from here. I emerge from the shadows, trying not to attract suspicion from the scammers and screamers who have congregated on the pavement outside the Rusty Cage. The doorman chuckles when he sees me. I have no idea why. I slip the pick-axe handle out of my overcoat pocket. The doorman looks confused and I jab him sharply in the gut.

“One word and I’ll bounce your eyeballs off the cement, motherfucker.”

*

I drink two beers in quick succession – for the calories if nothing else – and kill time glaring at the freaks. At 9 p.m., Roach limps in, and heads straight towards the toilets. He’s got a serious kidney infection and has to piss sitting down. I push my beer bottle away and walk across the club. I linger outside waiting for Roach to get settled before slipping inside and locking the door behind me. The bathroom feels hotter than a blast furnace. Inside the cubicle, Roach squeals, obviously in some discomfort. Discomfort is something that I know all about. I kick open the cubicle door and burst in, thrashing wildly with my pick-axe handle. It connects with his nose and I thrust it into his neck when he starts to howl. He slumps back against the toilet, face soaked in blood. I drop the tool into my overcoat pocket and retrieve the moody sawn-off that Butcher slipped me this afternoon. Roach murmurs something about Jesus. I level the filed-down weapon and jam it into his slack mouth. I feel a couple of teeth crack as he resists. His eyes shine with deranged malice.

“You know why I’m here, Roach.”

Nothing.

“Tell me what I need to know and I’ll leave you alone.”

Nothing.

He reaches for the barrel and I wedge it in even further. The piss-stink makes my eyes water.

“Blink once for yes, and twice for no.” He nods in agreement and blinks quickly. He’s even more stupid than he looks. I squeeze not waiting for a second blink. As I pull the trigger a second time, I feel myself waking from a long, sick electric dream. Suddenly the room feels colder than a grave.

BIO: Tom Leins is from Paignton, UK. His short stories have appeared online at 3am Magazine, Dogmatika, Straight From The Fridge, Beat The Dust, Savage Manners, Powder Burn Flash, The Flash Fiction Offensive and A Twist Of Noir.. He is currently hard at work on his first novel Thirsty & Miserable. Get your pound of flesh at: www.myspace.com/tomleins.

Monday, September 7, 2009

A Twist Of Noir 158 - Tom Leins

WRECKAGE - TOM LEINS

They were beating the Mexican to death in the next room, all attempts to rationalise with him long since abandoned. Queenan washed his hands with industrial strength bleach. He felt like he had a belly full of hell. The stink of the shallow grave still scratched at his nostrils. He had buried men like Bobby Southern before, and he would bury men like Bobby Southern again, but he would never get used to the sight of a human skull cracked like an eggshell.

*

The motherfucker finally squealed when Queenan jabbed a screwdriver into his bullet wound. The sound of metal grinding into bone was strangely comforting to a man in Queenan’s line of work. Queenan mashed the pedal of his rental car. This area looked like prime junk turf, and he didn’t want to attract any skullduggery. Although he had never been here before, he already knew this town off by heart.

*

The club was known as Varicose Alley, due to the proliferation of elderly dancers.The doorman had a face like boiled meat. He didn’t blink when he saw Queenan’s blood-splattered shirt. Queenan was already juiced on morphine and cola, so he just ordered a beer. The girl onstage looked like a Hitchcock blonde who had been dragged through a trailer-park backwards. She worked the pole like a Russian gymnast as Louisiana swamp metal bled from the speakers.

*

Later that evening, the dancer drifted over to Queenan.

“You wanna buy a girl a drink, big man?”

“Not tonight, doll – I’m working.”

She shrugged and Queenan watched wistfully as she melted into the crowd.

Eventually the barman brought him another beer. He had tattooed knuckles and a vicious gunshot wound. Queenan glanced down at the seepage. It was beginning to ooze with a new intensity. The barman grinned sheepishly.

“It’s a violent world out there. We just happen to live in a particularly violent corner of it.”

BIO: Tom Leins is from Paignton, UK. ‘Wreckage’ is part of his ‘Short Brutalities’ series. Further installments can be found online at: 3am Magazine, Dogmatika, Straight From The Fridge, Savage Manners, Powder Burn Flash and A Twist Of Noir. He is currently hard at work on his first novel Thirsty & Miserable. Get your pound of flesh at: www.myspace.com/tomleins

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

A Twist Of Noir 140 - Tom Leins

UNGLUED - TOM LEINS

The long, hot afternoon yawns in front of me. The barrio crackles with gutter trust and wracked trauma. It’s warm out here, but not warm enough for the fuckin’ trash to smell. Not yet. The sawn-off baseball bat itches in my hand. I taxed it off Elmo Slocum two years ago and caused a thousand dollars worth of malicious damage to his property whilst the life oozed out of him. All I wanted was my fuckin’ sweetheart back. Elmo was eating hospital food after a week, but everyone knows I broke his guts good and proper. Susie moved away shortly afterwards. I guess small town savagery only gets you so far. I wasted time stealin’ cars and beatin’ hookers, but there’s only so much dustbowl psychosis that one man can take.

*

Now all I want is my fuckin’ sweetheart back. Not Susie, she croaked from liver failure last Christmas. She used to drink so much for breakfast that even her sex smelled of cheap gin. Now, I only have sins for Rosa. The first time I went down on her in the backroom of her Daddy’s pawnshop I knew that Rosa was worth leaking blood for. She was different from the other girls. Cleaner. Smarter. I like lickin’ the taste of skunk pussy off my lips as much as the next man, but only Rosa offers me glimpses of something a bit like love. Gary offers me a dirty picture of Rosa from his grubby stack. I gaze into her black eyes, and feel something rotten stirring in my gut.

“You know, Daddy, all this happiness could kill you.”

“Sure as shit gonna kill someone, boy.”

BIO: Tom Leins is from Paignton, UK. His short stories have been published online at 3am Magazine, Dogmatika, A Twist Of Noir, Beat The Dust, Straight From The Fridge, Savage Manners and Muzzle Flash Fiction. He is currently hard at work on his first novel, Thirsty & Miserable. Get your pound of flesh at www.myspace.com/tomleins.

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

A Twist Of Noir 133 - Tom Leins

THE BALLAD OF JOHNNY TEARDROP - TOM LEINS

The dull sound of a fist pounding on the cheap plywood door sounds like dirt being shovelled onto a coffin. My coffin.

*

I’m staying in a stomped-out motel room on the outskirts of town. The window is nailed shut, but there’s no real view to speak of – just the crumpled, worn-out Paignton skyline. A seething mass of shabby concrete and violent contradictions that I call home. I was stirring my second rum and coke of the day with a screwdriver. The same screwdriver that I keep beneath my pillow in preparation for moments like this. Johnny Teardrop is lying on my bed, smoking a cigar. I glance across at him and he shrugs. I place my glass on top of the TV and trudge across the threadbare carpet. When I peer through the peephole a fat bloodshot eyeball squints back at me. It belongs to an obese degenerate known as the Fat Controller. He’s a big, fat somebody in a town full of nobodies. I’ve ruffled his feathers once or twice, and lived to tell the tale. I nod mournfully at Johnny and a look of panic flickers across his big, lopsided face.

I open the motel door and the Fat Controller’s vicious teenage entourage pours into room like human effluence. Sometimes Paignton makes hell feel positively lukewarm in comparison. He prods me in the chest and sniffs, as if smelling gone-off meat.

“Where’s Johnny Teardrop?”

I flash him a sly grin and shrug. “Beats me.”

“This ain’t your beef, son. Give it up before you get hurt.”

“Who’s gonna hurt me, fat man? You?”

I turn my back on him and walk back into the crowded motel room, leaving the door gaping open like an ugly, toothless smile.

As his hood-rat friends tear the room apart, I settle back into my ratty armchair and sip my drink casually. He waddles over and stands over me, his obscene bulk undulating beneath his shiny leisurewear.

“How would you like to wake up in a nice, tight body-bag tomorrow morning?”

I laugh.

“At least I’d fit in a body-bag. Not like you, you fat fuck!”

He gurgles back a threat, and glowers at me, trembling. I laugh in his face.

The glum hoodlums finally notice the bathroom door, and it caves in with a skeletal crack. Johnny bursts out of the ragged opening clutching a beer bottle. The damp cigar still dangles from his lips. A posse forms around him the way a clot forms around a knife-wound. Young thugs in cheap office suits trying to look like gangsters. Another youngster wheels in a decrepit, flaxen-haired old man and steers him into the corner. Bent Eddie flashes me a wheelchair smile. People say that I put him in that chair, but I would beg to differ. He should have cooperated when I gave him the chance.

Johnny takes out one of the young men with a sickening bottle-crack across the forehead. The boy’s limp body is dragged out of the skirmish, and his friends wade in with stomps and kicks. Within seconds, Johnny groans and crumples. I close my eyes and sip my rum as they trample gutter poetry into Johnny’s ugly face. Behind the melee, the Fat Controller chews his cigarette with a sour, distasteful expression. Paignton can have my bones, but it can’t have Johnny Teardrop’s. Not yet. I finger the screwdriver in my jeans pocket and stare at the Fat Controller. Tomorrow, I’ll be scraping his blood off the walls with a razor blade.

BIO: Tom Leins is from Paignton, UK. His short stories have been published online at 3am Magazine, Dogmatika, A Twist Of Noir, Beat The Dust, Straight From The Fridge, Savage Manners and Muzzle Flash Fiction. He is currently hard at work on his first novel, Thirsty & Miserable. Get your pound of flesh at www.myspace.com/tomleins.

Thursday, July 16, 2009

A Twist Of Noir 120 - Tom Leins

KILL-PIT - TOM LEINS

Originally appeared on DZ Allen's Muzzle Flash

Queenan knows that Velasquez is dead before he even hits the bathroom tiles. He doesn’t miss from there. He sighs. This town is turning into a graveyard for lunatics. All collateral damage in Queenan’s demented war. The skeleton boy is touch and go, but this guy is deader than hell. Queenan stops running and lurches into a gaping shop doorway. The ceiling fan wafts recycled air lazily in his direction. He gulps down the stale morning air hungrily and reaches into his pocket for a cocktail napkin. He wipes it across his sweaty brow, but it comes back soaked in blood. He fingers his hairline tentatively. Fuck.

A low, rasping voice breaks his concentration. “Some wound you got there, boss.” His eyes are the colour of used bullets, his open sores a colour that Queenan has never seen before. He hears the knuckle-crack prelude before he second-guesses the filthy hombre in front of him. The brown fist connects with Queenan’s square jaw to negligible effect. He feels thin cigarette fingers grope for his revolver and cranks down on the hombre’s knee with his stomp bone. The mooch shrieks and Queenan stomps the same knee into the linoleum twice as hard.

Another damaged soul in this godforsaken town. This motherfucker will squeal if it takes his last sick breath to do it. Queenan jams his revolver into the hombre’s eye socket and waits for the teeth-spitting prose to leak out of the half-dead mouth. Jorge Ramirez. Gary Santos. Daddy Badwater. Enough is enough. Pause. Click. Bang. Queenan takes no pleasure in seeing blank flesh ripped from the bone and sprayed across the linoleum. He slumps against the wall and bleeds through the cocktail napkin some more.

BIO: Tom Leins is from Paignton, UK. His short stories have been published online at 3am Magazine, Dogmatika, A Twist Of Noir, Beat The Dust, Straight From The Fridge, Savage Manners and Muzzle Flash Fiction. He is currently working on his first novel: Thirsty & Miserable. Get your pound of flesh at www.myspace.com/tomleins.

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

A Twist Of Noir 119 - Tom Leins

THROAT - TOM LEINS

Originally appeared on DZ Allen's Muzzle Flash

He looked, glassy-eyed, at my throat knife. Fuckin’ mooch. It sucked the joy right out of him with one fuckin’ swipe. The muted howl almost brought a tear to my lazy eye. Rosa said nothing, but in this sleazy, fearful town sometimes you don’t have to.

She has a complexion like burned-out brick. A rusty heart and a voice like quiet rain. She didn’t ask me to slice Eduardo’s neck - I decided to do that all by myself. Eduardo displayed a shabby indifference towards life. He was a two-bit knuckle-merchant with grot for brains. No more, no less.

That, I can tolerate. It’s when someone shows a shabby indifference towards my life that I get angry. I drop my blade and wipe my bloody hands on the TV Guide that’s lying open on Eduardo’s stinkin’ bed. It’s funny, you know, the only books I’ve ever read are TV Guides and Bibles. I don’t know about TV Guides, but Bibles say that a sin is a sin, whichever way you cut it. In my mind, that makes adultery and killin’ pretty even.

The glint of Eduardo’s blood on my knife brings back the things that I’ve spent the last two years trying to forget. Thin-lipped back-chat and the filthy stink of killin’.

Jorge drags Eduardo’s fat corpse out of the room without a word. Blood turns to brown on the carpet and I walk outside, leaving the bile-green motel door ajar. In the parking lot, Rosa is sitting in my car, smoking an unfamiliar brand of cigarette. Behind the motel, the bare limbs of mid-morning sex-workers gleam in the sun. I stand still to light a cigarette for myself and notice the misshapen whore bystanders passing a glue-bag between one another. I saved Rosa, but who will save them?

BIO: Tom Leins is from Paignton, UK. His short stories have been published online at 3am Magazine, Dogmatika, A Twist Of Noir, Beat The Dust, Straight From The Fridge, Savage Manners and Muzzle Flash Fiction. He is currently working on his first novel: Thirsty & Miserable. Get your pound of flesh at www.myspace.com/tomleins.

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

A Twist Of Noir 117 - Tom Leins

RECKONER - TOM LEINS

A hot, languid stink settles over the afternoon. The man in the bone-coloured suit smoothes down the bald streak of scalp where his hair used to be. Most Feds are bland men with empty smiles. Mr Clean is a very dangerous man. Seventeen years ago, when Queenan joined the agency, he heard a story about Mr Clean burning down a Sin Clinic in the Deep South, run by an ex-cop known as Father Julio. When the charred corpses were dragged out of the ash, the limbs had all been hacked off and it took the pathologist eleven days to match up the body parts.

He offers Queenan a pure-looking Marlboro, but Queenan declines. Mr Clean shrugs. “American cigarettes are overrated.” The distant sun throbs in the hot afternoon sky. With his ulcer pills and ironic drawl, Mr Clean could be a middle manager in any Midwestern town. He’s not, though. He’s a man with a briefcase containing $72,000 handcuffed to his wrist, and he wants to cut a deal with Queenan. Queenan knows men like Mr Clean all too well – tight assholes all bent out of shape. He lets the ice melt in his drink, before slipping a handful of currency under the ashtray.

Queenan leads Mr Clean down a side-street littered with crumbling concrete and rusty spools of razor wire. A backwater hoodlum steps out of the shadows with a tyre-iron. The elderly Fed gropes for his concealed weapon, but before he can palm the piece, Queenan lunges forward and plunges a cheap switchblade into one of his blackened lungs. Blood-streaked drool oozes out of Mr Clean’s mouth and ruins his bone-coloured suit. Queenan slips off his sports jacket as Velasquez passes him a hacksaw.

BIO: Tom Leins is from Paignton, UK. His short stories have been published online at 3am Magazine, Dogmatika, Beat The Dust, Straight From The Fridge, Savage Manners and Muzzle Flash Fiction. He is currently working on his first novel: Thirsty & Miserable. Get your pound of flesh at www.myspace.com/tomleins.