Showing posts with label Keith Rawson. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Keith Rawson. Show all posts

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

A Twist Of Noir 644 - Keith Rawson

ACTION ITEM - KEITH RAWSON

So are you gonna close her or not?

I don’t know. I think I am. She seems like she could go either way.

It seemed like a good call, at least from what I heard.

Yeah? I dunno. I thought I could have sharpened up the close a little bit.

Why? That was flawless as far as I could tell.

You don’t think saying I was going to fuck her skull was a little harsh?

Absolutely not, it created a sense of urgency. Most reps are so lax about what they want the student to do. With you, though, that student knows you want to fuck her skull. She knows you want to play in her blood. You stated your intentions and what you wanted her next move to be and I’d call that real progression.

I guess. Yeah...you’re right, of course, you’re right.

What’d you like about the call?

Oh, I have to think about that one...I guess I like the easiness of the call. The rapport I’ve developed with the student really shows through with the call. I mean, most students wouldn’t pick up the phone at 2 o’clock in the morning, right? Most students would just let the call go straight through to voicemail, but she picked up.

I liked that, too.

Really?

Of course. Rapport and trust are the two biggest areas they cover in training, right? We want the student to feel the need to pick up the phone no matter what time of day or night it is. Whether it’s 5 pm or 2 am, the student has to feel compelled to pick up the phone, because your call’s that important. That the information you have to convey cannot wait. So, tell me what you didn’t like about the call.

Uuuummm......I guess I didn’t like the part when I mentioned how important her enrollment was to my job.

That’s right. You’ve been doing this job long enough to know to never mention that your job is dependent on whether she enrolls or not. Why don’t we want to mention that to the student?

Um, ugh... it makes the student feel like they’re just a number?

That’s right. We want the student to feel important, like they’re an individual.

Right.

If they feel like they’re nothing but a number, chances are they’re not going to want to enroll and they’ll decide to go to one of our competitors instead. Plus, there’s the possibility that a student might get upset and decide to go to the Department of Education with their concerns, and the last thing we need is the DOE poking their nose around here questioning our curriculum, questioning our accreditation. I mean, we lose our accreditation, you lose your job, I lose my job, everybody loses their jobs. So make sure you keep that aspect out of your conversations from here on out.

I will. It won’t ever happen again.

Good. Now, what do you think your next step should be?

I don’t know...I was thinking an at home visit might be my next best course of action.

Have you ever done an at home visit before?

I tried, but she was getting ready to move and the police were there.

So she just blew off the appointment?

Yes.

So maybe she didn’t take you as seriously last time?

Yes.

Do you think this time will be different?

I don’t know.

I think it will be. I think she’ll be more receptive because of the urgency you created. I just think you need to bring the right materials. What’d you bring with you last time?

A couple of course catalogs.

Good, but I’d bring a few other things. A couple knives, maybe a razor, let her know your intentions are real. So let’s go ahead and make that your action item for the week.

BIO: Keith Rawson is a little known pulp writer who lives in the alkaline desert wastelands of southern Arizona with his wife and very energetic three-year-old daughter. His stories have appeared in such publications as Plots with Guns, Pulp Pusher, CrimeWav.com, Bad Things, Powder Burn Flash, A Twist of Noir, Beat to a Pulp, Needle Magazine and many others. Keith is a frequent contributor to BSCreview, a staff writer with Spinetingler Magazine and, along with Cameron Ashley and Liam Jose, he edits and publishes Crimefactory Magazine. You can also find him stroking his overinflated ego at his blog, Bloody Knuckles, Callused Fingertips.

Monday, October 11, 2010

A Twist Of Noir 602 - Keith Rawson

602 - KEITH RAWSON

Kara’s phone roused her from her sweaty dreams. Her eyes cracked open, head pounding. Why’d she have to go out with Paulina and the girls from work last night? Who the fuck schedules a happy hour on a Wednesday? It was Paulina’s birthday and all, but why not wait until Friday? She knuckled sleep from her eyes, waiting for the sun to turn her head even further inside out.

That was funny, no sun?

Her bedroom curtains were sackcloth thick, but there was always a little light.

It was pitch black, dead of night and the ring on her phone, that wasn’t her alarm.

Her alarm was a calm, righteous chorus of church bells which slowly stirred her awake. What she was hearing now was the ring an old school rotary phone made. She chose the ring because she could hear it just about anywhere she left it in her apartment or at the office. She misplaced her phone three or five times a day...she hated her phone. Kara sat up, her head spinning, stomach going liquid, churning washing machine style. She stared at the phone, its digital display lying face down. She supposed she could just mute the little bitch and curl into a fetal ball and catch four or twelve more hours of sleep...but it might be her brother calling about their mother back in California, or maybe one of her friends calling and telling her the reason why it was pitch black in the seven in the morning was because the Chinese or some crazy Muslim extremist group decided to push the button and that the office would be closed today because of nuclear apocalypse.

She picked up the phone.

Shit...602...fucking 602.

She glimpsed the time below the number 2:13 am, she’d only been asleep two hours.

The phone stopped ringing, but she knew the deal, he’d keep at it until she finally picked up...crazy little bastard.

The phone vibrated in her hand and she hit answer before it could ring again.

“Hello...”

“Kara...Hey, I didn’t wake you up, did I?” Nick. Nick fucking Boyle.

Nick worked for one of those online colleges. Not one of the big ones, some little christian university that was starting to dip their toes into the online market, but they were...aggressive in their recruiting tactics.

Nick was one of their recruiters, one of their best if you listened to the line of shit that spewed out of his mouth. She’d been dumb enough to request info from the small school, even dumber when she started flirting with Nick. Six months later, she was still kicking herself stupid over ever making the call.

“It’s 2 in the morning, Nick, what the fuck do you think?”

“Is it that late?”

“Are you at the office?”

“Oh yeah, money never sleeps, ya know. So, have you put anymore thought in getting back into school?”

“No, Nick, you know you’re not allowed to call me anymore.”

“Look you, little cunt. This is my job we’re talking about! If I don’t get you back into school, they’re gonna fire me!”

“Sorry, Nick!”

“You bitch! I’m gonna find you, I’m gonna come gut you like a fish and play with your fucking BLOOD! I’m gonna pluck out yer eyes and fuck your skull!”

“Good night, Nick.”

Kara clicked off.

When the calls first started, they scared her, now they were just an annoyance.

Fuck her skull? Where did he come up with this shit?

Kara turned off her phone, rolled into a ball and decided to call in sick the next morning.

BIO: Keith Rawson is a little known pulp writer who lives in the alkaline desert wastelands of southern Arizona with his wife and very energetic three-year-old daughter. His stories have appeared in such publications as Plots with Guns, Pulp Pusher, CrimeWav.com, Bad Things, Powder Burn Flash, A Twist of Noir, Beat to a Pulp, Needle Magazine and many others. Keith is a frequent contributor to BSCreview, a staff writer with Spinetingler Magazine and, along with Cameron Ashley and Liam Jose, he edits and publishes Crimefactory Magazine. You can also find him stroking his overinflated ego at his blog, Bloody Knuckles, Callused Fingertips.

Friday, October 1, 2010

A Twist Of Noir 590 - Keith Rawson

TAKING OUT THE TRASH - KEITH RAWSON

Previously seen at Bloody Knuckles, Callused Fingertips as part of the Sweet Dreams Challenge issued by Patti Abbott

I stand in the garbage strewn kitchen gagging, tasting yellow bile bubble up my throat, I keep thinking I should’ve worn a gas mask. The house just plain stinks. Rotting food, moldering, overflowing bags of garbage; I imagine the way the trailer smells is how a body rotting under a hundred degree sun must stink.

Amid all the trash and ruin of the place, maybe the guy who used to live here is buried underneath a couple thousand pounds of garbage. I’m hoping it ain’t the case. I’m hoping he just couldn’t take his own filth anymore and decided to hit the road.

I gag again, acid burn shoots up my nostrils. Fuck, I should’ve gone to the Army surplus store and bought a gas mask, or maybe one of those full body suits they wore for chemical attacks during the first Gulf War.

The trailer belongs to my Uncle Tim. Old Timmy is a great big fat lump of human shit who hasn’t left his house in ten plus years. His days are spent lying around his 4000 square foot McMansion in Chandler, sucking back a case of Bud a day and topping it off with a ten gallon tub of Costco brand chocolate ice cream. Nobody in the family can stand the sight of the fat bastard, not even my mom, who used to make an effort of seeing him back when I was a kid. I don’t think they’ve spoken to one another in four or five years. Neither one of them speaks an ill word about the other, but whenever I bring up the idea of maybe getting together for Sunday dinner or some such shit, the subject’s changed without so much as a word of acknowledgment.

I still hang around old Tim, though. He may be a disgusting pig of a man (and I’m pretty sure he’s got a hard-on for kiddy porn, which is why I make sure never to bring the boys along with me when I come over) but the dude has done pretty good for himself over the years because of owning flops like the polluted shithole I’m standing in right now and old Timmy, he don’t have no kids of his own, so the way I figure it, once the fat fuck’s heart finally explodes from his high fat diet, everything the dude owns is going straight into my pocket, but occasionally I have to do shit like what I’m doing today.

Not that I mind helping Tim out here and there. Usually he only has me do simple stuff like go and pull some weeds for one of the old couples he rents to, or replace a refrigerator compressor, easy stuff. A few times, he’s had me go to some of his properties to throw eviction notices in tenant faces. Most of Tim’s renters are retirees; folks who're just scratching by on Social Security, so they usually don’t give me any shit, just hangdog looks and maybe a few muttered curses.

The rusted-out single-wide out in the middle of the desert started out as an eviction gig. He asked me to make the drive out to Apache Junction last week and hand over the papers and scat. I banged on the door for close to fifteen minutes, thinking the shitheel was hiding out, knowing what was coming. Finally I got pissed enough to head back to the truck, snatched a crowbar out of the bed and yanked the door open and nearly had my ankle busted by a hundred pounds of newspaper. Standing in front of the door, squinting into the muggy darkness, I tried seeing if there was any movement inside.

Nothing but the buzzing of ten thousand flies.

I headed back out to the truck, grabbed my cell and called Tim to let him know what was going on. He told me to lock up the best I could and come back next week and start cleaning up the mess for the next tenant. I nearly started cussing him out, tellin’ him there weren’t no way in hell I’d be tackling that fucking mess. ’Course, that changed the minute he offered me a couple of grand plus gas. How the hell could I say no to that kind of cash?

The stink of the kitchen finally gets to me and I have to step outside and toss my cookies.

I spit the taste of puke out and head back to the truck to get myself a drink of water and maybe something to cover my mouth and nose with. I gulp down a whole bottle of arrowhead and find a sweaty old blue bandana in the glove compartment. It’s crusted up with boogers but it’s still gonna smell a hell of lot better than the single-wide. I also grab my .38 in case there any rats or snakes in there that want to get feisty and my iPod. I slip in the ear buds, hit shuffle and that old song from the Eurythmics, Sweet Dreams, fills my head. I always liked those guys even though both of ’em were queerer than a three dollar bill.

I get my ass in gear, wad of 30 gallon trash bags in my back pocket, sweeping up as much garbage as I can with a push broom before I have to get down and dirty with my hands when I see something out the corner of my eye moving in the back bedroom. I freak and spin, dropping my broom and pulling my piece and I come face-to-face with a filthy little old man with thick glasses and wearing a short cut, blue spangled evening gown, like something a seventeen year-old girl might wear to prom.

The old man’s got his hands up in front of his face, fingers spread and trembling as I draw down on him. I hesitate for a second, remembering that I still got the eviction papers out in the truck. I can go home and let the county deal with all this shit. Then I think about the big fat check waiting for me at Tim’s house once I clean up the mess.

I flip a coin, money wins, thunder fills the room.

BIO: Keith Rawson is a little known pulp writer who lives in the alkaline desert wastelands of southern Arizona with his wife and very energetic three-year-old daughter. His stories have appeared in such publications as Plots with Guns, Pulp Pusher, CrimeWav.com, Bad Things, Powder Burn Flash, A Twist of Noir, Beat to a Pulp, Needle Magazine and many others. Keith is a frequent contributor to BSCreview, a staff writer with Spinetingler Magazine and, along with Cameron Ashley and Liam Jose, he edits and publishes Crimefactory Magazine. You can also find him stroking his overinflated ego at his blog, Bloody Knuckles, Callused Fingertips.

Friday, April 23, 2010

A Twist Of Noir 434 - Keith Rawson

BRIEFCASES AND WOMEN - KEITH RAWSON

A sequel to PICTURES OF YOU, by Keith Rawson and Chad Eagleton, found at Darkest Before The Dawn

Purcell wasn’t much for bars.

The booze was always watered down, the music too loud, too many bodies packed into too tight of a space. Of course, Purcell wasn’t much for public places, period.

Restaurants, shopping malls, libraries, movie theaters, etc; Purcell liked his room, the park and that was it. The only reason he tolerated his room was because his P.O. required he have a stable place of residence, otherwise he’d be living in a public park, or out somewhere in the middle of the desert; maybe in an abandoned copper mine or one of the dozens of hollowed out mid-century shacks that dotted the burnt out yellow landscape around the nuclear power plant town of Buckeye, Arizona. But for the next five years, his ass belonged to the state and the state told him he needed a roof over his head so his fat sow of a probation officer could come and do spot checks and have him piss into to a cup at her will. Not that the bitch ever had the time or energy to move her fat ass from behind her desk to go out and do these kind of checks, or have him piss in a cup or do much of anything other than come to him for his monthly visits to turn in his pay stubs.

But for some reason he liked this little bar a couple of blocks away from his room. He came in here a few weeks back after Aileen left his room stinking of butthole and Astroglide. He didn’t know the name of it—if it even had a name?—it was just a quiet little place, a wrinkled old black man behind the scuffed dark oak bar, absent mindedly wiping its surface while watching whatever soap opera or kangaroo court show was on during the middle of the day. The old man didn’t talk, hell, he barely acknowledged Purcell’s presence; he just poured Purcell a draft and went back to watching his stories.

Most of the bars patrons were exactly like the bartender, they watched TV, or stared into their half empty glasses not saying a word.

It was Purcell’s kind of place.

It was different today, though. When he walked in and plopped down into his usual spot, looking for refreshment after spending the last two hours turning his current fuck buddy, Aileen, inside out. A glass of piss yellow lager somehow found its way into his hand and he distractedly sipped at it as he scanned the bar. Something wasn’t right; his skin crawled, he felt eyes on him. Purcell slurped down the rest of his beer in two big gulps, pulled three bucks from his jeans, slapped it down on the dull wood with a nod and hit the street.

He moved with his usual purposeful stride, head down, hands loose at his side; typical prison gait, avoiding trouble, but ready for anything. He glanced sideways and watched a fat man slouch out of the bar. Purcell rounded the corner heading towards his flop and waited. He heard footsteps, hurried, slapping against the concrete. The fat man darted around the same corner and Purcell grabbed his spongy arm and sweaty neck and slammed him against the rust colored brick wall of the rundown apartment building next to the bar. The fat man’s breath erupted from his mouth along with gouts of blood and shards of teeth; Purcell steadied the man’s head and made sure he broke his nose with the second collision.

“Who the fuck are you?” Purcell asked in a harsh whisper as he began to lead the fat man down the sidewalk.

“No...no one...no one, man”

“Bullshit!” Purcell curled his right hand into a fist and drove it into the fat man’s armpit; ribs went snap, crackle, POP!

More blood and wheezy breathing.

“Who are you?”

“I’m...a P.I., I’m a P.I. hired by the girl’s husband.”

“What girl?” Purcell knew what girl he was talking about; he wouldn’t exactly describe Aileen as a girl—a thirty-five year-old bar hag who liked taking it up the shitter a little too much, sure, that was a fitting characterization—but not a girl. Of course, compared to her fifty-five year-old husband she was a toddler. Aileen loved the geezer though and the only reason she spread her ass for guys like Purcell was because

A) The old man had issues getting his little man worked up

B) His little man was the size of a cashew

So poor little trailer trash Aileen had to go looking elsewhere for a good time, but tried her best to keep the old man on a string. Telling him she loved him once a day so he would keep her allowance flowing and keeping his suspicions of her fucking around behind his back to a bare minimum. Because as a stipulation to their pre-nup, if he caught her getting strange cock thrown into her, she got zip, zero, zilch and she was back to asking hood rats if they wanted fries with their cheeseburger.

She was nearly in tears when she gave him her sad sack spiel and he said he’d keep an eye out for guys like the one he was pulling down the street by the scruff of his neck. He also promised to take care of any evidence a guy like this one may have gathered; photos, video, audio recordings, etc.

Note to self: don’t make promises to women when your dick is in their mouth.

“Where are the pictures?” Purcell asked as he steady the slob.

The guy was having a hard time catching his breath. Maybe the last hit was just a little too hard?

“In my car...In my car...” He finally spit out.

“Take me there.”

It wasn’t too long of a walk; the P.I.’s rusted out 1980 El Do was parked down an alley a couple of blocks away from Purcell’s flop. He threw the fat man hard against the grill of the ancient gas guzzler.

“Get all the shit you’ve got out and give it to me.”

The fat man was a shaky ball of nerves; it took him five or six tries to get the keys into the driver’s side door and another two or three minutes to gather his stuff off the passenger seat. When the slob was done, he handed over a digital and a miniscule video camera. Purcell powered up the video camera and took a good long look at the fuzzy digital image of him turning Aileen into a human pretzel on the LCD screen.

Second note to self: make sure to close the blinds when fucking, especially if the woman you’re fucking is married.

“Ya got some hot shit here...”

The fat man moved like a slug, Purcell saw him a mile away as his hand jerked out of the inside pocket of his Goodwill blazer and swinging something towards Purcell’s face. He caught the fat man’s arm by the wrist just as he was trying to send a 50,000 watt jolt of electricity through Purcell’s body. He jerked the arm out straight and planted a hard chop to the side of the P.I.’s blubbery neck. Purcell heard the fat man’s vertebra turn to powder and watched his eyes go vacant and glazed; his body crumpling into a lifeless pile.

Shit.

A body was the last thing he needed.

But done is done and at the very least he could make a couple of bucks off the inconvenience of having to get rid of the corpse. Purcell squatted over the body, breathing through his mouth to help avoid the stink wafting off the cadaver. Jesus, the guy had been dead all of 3 minutes and he already stank like he’d been rotting in the sun for a week.

Purcell rifled and lifted the usual crap: a wallet with forty bucks and a generic Visa card; a clutch of aged business cards; a flip phone that he could maybe pawn for a couple of bucks, and the keys to the ghetto sled, the trunk of which would end up being the P.I.’s final resting place. First order of business, he needed to get the corpse stashed before some cop or a concerned citizen stopped to see if he needed any help with his unconscious friend. He hoisted the body with a grunt and sucked in a big nose full of dead man; moldering Chinese food, stale tobacco and unwashed underpants. Naw, death had nothing to do with the way this dude smelled. The walk to the rear of the car felt like a marathon; the guy had to weigh over two-hundred fifty pounds.

By the time he’d tossed the dead man in the trunk, his lungs were trying to burn their way through his chest and his muscles were doing their best impression of an epileptic fit. He threw up a couple of times and felt something vibrating in his pocket. Purcell had never owned a cell phone, preferring to carry a pager in case his former employers needed to contact him. They bitched and complained up a storm that they had to wait so long for him to get back to their pages, but he’d seen too many guys go down because of intercepted cell transmissions and back in the day, he was bound and determined not to be one of them. Ultimately it was his bosses who bitched so much about him not owning a cell phone that threw him under the bus and set him up to take the fall for their bullshit.

Purcell was muscle, a hired bonebreaker.

He was by no means the brains. But the Phoenix DA didn’t give a shit. He knew Purcell was a dimwit, but the DA wanted to play let’s make a deal; he wanted to play I know the charges are all bullshit, but I’ll still put the heels to you until you give me what I want. Purcell didn’t budge. The way he’d been brought up was you didn’t turn, you didn’t rat, even if you were getting fucked in the ass with 24 inches of bladder-busting betrayal.

Purcell pulled the phone out of his pocket and it vibrated in his hand like a battery-operated dildo. It was also bleating an electronic version of MC Hammer’s ‘Can’t Touch This.’

Jesus, what a fag the dead P.I. must’ve been.

He answered: “Yeah?”

“Mr. Snow, it’s Mr. Karris again. I wanted to check in with you to make sure you had picked up the package?”

“Um, I think so...Uh...” Purcell hacked up a lung into the receiver. He leaned against the car.

What the fuck was he doing?

He should have folded up the phone and hung up on whoever was on the other end of the line. The cheap piece of Chinese plastic in his hand was nothing to him but a twenty dollar bill. Instead he held on the line and listened to the voice ask over and over again: “Mr. Snow, are you alright?”

He finally answered: “Yeah, I’m alright...I’m okay.”

“Are you sure? You sound different from the last time we talked.”

“Fightin’ a cold, it’s killing me.”

“Hhmm, well, I hope it doesn’t impede our current operation. Now, did you pick up the package?” The voice on the other end was cold and business like; the motherfucker had to be a lawyer.

Purcell hated lawyers.

But he played along and scanned the dead P.I.’s car for any sign of a package. A shitload of fast food containers, crumpled cigarette packs, Styrofoam cups, and a polished brown leather briefcase. It was the kind of item that didn’t belong in a piece of shit like the El Dorado; the case had to be what the lawyer meant.

“Yeah, I’ve got it,” he said as he opened the driver’s side door and slid in behind the wheel.

“Good. After we’re off the phone, open the package, full instructions are inside. Do not deviate from the instructions in any way. Remember that, Mr. Snow. Do not deviate from the instructions in any way. Say it with me.”

Do not deviate from instructions in any way. Say it.

“Do not deviate from instructions in any way.” Purcell felt like a slow child being lectured by an impatient teacher’s aide. Purcell would’ve like to have said that he felt insulted by it, but he wasn’t; he’d been treated like this his entire life and he’d learned to shrug it off. Now the dead P.I., that schlep probably would’ve been plenty pissed if someone was talking to him like a retard, but who knew? It wasn’t like he could go and ask him.

“Alright, Mr. Snow, remember to call me as soon as you’ve made the drop and then I’ll call you with further instructions when they let me know where we can pick up the girl.”

The lawyer or who ever the fuck he was rang off without a goodbye. Purcell tossed the cell on the passenger seat and picked the briefcase up off the soiled floorboard. Shit, what was he doing? Briefcases had been his downfall for most of his existence. He used to run them for his bosses from the time he was 17 until he was locked up and here he was again opening up another one. But this time all he planned on doing was ripping off whatever was inside. Sure, it might be a body part; the hand of some poor bastard being held ransom; it might be a few pounds of coke, or smack, or horse tranquilizers, whatever; dope was as good as cash.

He popped the clasps and spied two things:

A fat wedge of cash

AND

Three black and white digital shots of a girl; a square of duct tape over her mouth and tears cutting a rivers down her sweaty face.

Fuck.

The girl was very young, maybe sixteen or seventeen years old; she looked scared to death.

The last time he saw pictures like this was of his late wife; she looked scared shitless, too, all wrapped up in black electrical tape, tears streaming. And then he found out that her kidnapping was nothing but a scam; a slick scheme to get him to kill a crooked cop he was locked up with. He came pretty damn close to slicing the cop to ribbons until the cop opened his slick mouth and offered to pull some strings on the outside and save Purcell’s girl if he didn’t kill him. The cop was the one who found out Purcell was being fucked with and the cop’s boys were the ones who took care of his wife and the people who’d talked her into screwing over Purcell.

The cop was a good guy, he only wished that it had been him to take the cop out instead of the six black gorillas who screwed him up the ass six ways to Sunday and then set him on fire; Purcell would have been gentle, a couple quick jabs to the heart and that would have been that.

Purcell took his eyes off the pictures long enough to eye the cash. The wad had to be around two-hundred and fifty-thousand dollars. It wasn’t Fat City, not enough to buy him a hacienda in the Caribbean, but it was enough to keep him off the grid a good long time; maybe score a little shack outside of Mexico City and start an import/export business to keep capital rolling in; Mexicans would keister just about anything for a hundred bucks American. He ran his hand over the crisp bills, he looked at the pictures and flipped a mental coin.

The money.

The girl...?

...Goddamn morals.

What kinda crook had morals?

*

The instructions in the briefcase along with the pictures were simple enough:

52nd & Van Buren, 1 PM

Suburban Demilitarized Zone

Hookers and crack dealers selling ass and madness across the street from gated two million dollar homes. The cops only came down here if there was a body in the middle of the road, so the upwardly mobile had to hire jack booted security men to watch over their depreciated mini mansions and make sure the shit eating unwashed stayed across the street.

Purcell would have stuck out like a sore thumb if he didn’t happen to look like a schizo fresh from a three dollar shopping spree at the Salvation Army. The briefcase was giving him a bit of class, but it was also attracting the attention of a couple of grimy bums who’d been shuffling after him. They were skinny ghosts and neither was eyeing the case; most likely all they wanted was a buck or two to put towards a tall boy.

Purcell felt exposed; he didn’t know what or who to expect. He tried keeping his eyes moving, scanning every angle of the corner. He hated not knowing and he hated not being strapped. Purcell didn’t own a piece, hadn’t since he’d gotten out. He’d thought about it a few times; it never hurt to have a little protection around, especially in his neighborhood, But the way he figured it, the minute he scored a gun would be the exact minute his P.O. decided to revive her faltering career and stop by for an at-home visit and toss his place for contraband.

The dead P.I. was no help, either.

The thing he’d pulled out of his jacket when Purcell broke his neck was a fucking stun gun, a lot of good that would do him against a bullet.

Purcell continued to pace the corner and then he spied as a bland-looking young guy wearing aviator shades, with bleach blond hair jelled into a cute little wannabe Mohawk approach from his left. The boy kept his eyes on the ground, staring at people’s feet and hands; he was looking for something. Purcell shifted the case to his left hand and drew it up to his waistline. The boy’s eyes fixed on it and he made a beeline towards Purcell.

“Follow me,” the boy said in a girlish whisper.

He did as commanded and started following after the boy was six steps ahead of him.

From behind, the boy’s walk reminded him of the way the queers in stir moved when they were advertising; ass pushed slightly out, hips swaying from left to right. Purcell never went in for the queers, but somedays, when the one-dimensional stash of soiled hardcore porn pics he kept hidden under the mattress of his rack weren’t doing the trick, he’d picture the swaying of those almost feminine hips and superimpose his dead ex’s face staring back at him as he pounded away to a chorus of her grunts and pleasure groans. It sickened him a bit, but he was sprouting a big rubbery watching the boy.

After a couple of blocks, the boy made a left down an alleyway behind a liquor store; he wasn’t having that much luck with alleyways today, and Purcell figured he knew what was coming the minute he followed after and he resolved to keep his cool and not dead the boy like he did with the P.I.

Purcell turned the corner and, sure as shit, the pretty boy had his back to a filthy white Ecoline van and was pointing a brushed steel .25 caliber at Purcell’s head. A .25 cal was a chick gun, but it could still drill a nice, neat little hole through his skull.

“Are you Snow?” the boy asked, trying to make his voice sound more commanding and menacing than it actually was.

Purcell was drawing a blank; who the fuck was Snow?

The kid asked again: “Are you Art Snow?”

Oh yeah, the P.I. The lawyer called him that over the phone and it was the name on the greasy little business cards.

“Yeah,” he said. “I’m Art Snow.”

“You got something for me, Snow?”

Purcell held the case up to his chest.

“Have you got the girl?”

“You get the girl after we get the money. Put the case on the ground and kick it over.”

“I call bullshit. Girl first and then the cash.”

“That’s not the deal, fuckwad. You hand over the cash and then we call with where you can pick her up. Now give me the case!”

The kid was all nerves and started goose-stepping towards Purcell, his index finger tightening around the trigger. He had maybe two seconds before the kid actually had the balls to take a shot.

He chucked the case at the boy.

The boy dropped his hands out of instinct and Purcell charged. He hit the kid with a right cross and grabbed the boy’s wrist with his left. The one thing Purcell truly prided himself on was the strength of his hands. When he turned twelve and the rest of his friends start to grow tall and their voices changed, the only part of his body that seemed to expand in size were his hands. By the time he was thirteen, they were the size of boxing gloves and they caused him endless amounts of embarrassment; for nearly a year he walked around with his mutant paws stuffed in his pockets, that is until he got into his first-ever fistfight. He was smaller than the boy he got into the fight with by a foot and a half and fifty pounds; the boy got one shot in before Purcell drove his oversized right hand into the boy’s nose and followed with a heavy left to the body.

He broke the boy’s nose and fractured three of his ribs.

It got him suspended from school for a week and a beating from his old man; but after his dad whipped the living shit out of him for twenty minutes, he did a rare thing by slinging one of his beefy arms over his only son’s shoulder and told him he was proud of the damage he’d done to the boy.

Within a couple of years, the rest of his body caught up with his hands and he turned into a lumbering six foot three fifteen year old, although his hands were still slightly too large for his body. But he worked them and kept them strong. When he first started working for his old bosses, he’d cracked walnuts; in the slam he’d cracked rocks, waiting for when he needed their strength again. As Purcell gripped the boy’s gun hand, he stared into his eyes as he turned his wrist to powder and his weapon clattered to the asphalt. He watched as the boy’s shades slid off his nose and a gout of tears sprang into his eyes. The boy’s mouth wanted to scream, but the pain was too much and all that came out was a barely audible squeak.

“Now,” Purcell said, “give me the fucking girl before I go to work on the rest of your bones.”

*

Kidnappings and sleazy, burnt-out motels seem to go together like chocolate and peanut butter.

Purcell had been hoping the girl was in the van. A nice and simple solution; Purcell liked nice and simple. Too bad most bad men liked to muddy up the waters by over complicating everything they touched. He was a bit like this himself, so he really had no right to complain. Purcell had to admit that he had more than a little admiration for the boy’s tight lips. Purcell tuned him up for nearly twenty minutes trying to find out where the girl was stashed. A long twenty minutes that swelled Purcell’s knuckles to the size of golf balls after he busted out most of the boy’s veneer capped teeth. It was only after he started going to work on his body and the boy was hacking blood that he finally gave up the motel’s location on the outskirts of Glendale.

They pulled up behind the dilapidated L shaped building that was once the Shining Stars Motor Lodge. Purcell shut the engine down and stepped into the back where the former pretty boy was laid out and gently snoring. Purcell toed the boy’s swollen head; he came awake with a gurgled squeal.

“There’s only two of them in there with the girl, right?”

The boy nodded. Purcell gave him a sharper kick.

“Answer me!”

“Yeah...There’s only two...only two,” he said through a mouth of broken teeth and swollen lips.

Purcell opened the sliding side door of the van and stepped down onto the sun-cracked gray asphalt of the parking lot.

Two guys in a tiny locked room, both of them probably squirrelly as hell from being cooped up for the past couple of days. If the pretty boy was any indicator, neither one of the two were very well armed. But then again, the pretty boy might’ve been the fuck up of the group and his two partners didn’t trust him with handling a real weapon, so they sent him along with the .25 just in case the bagman decided to get a little mouthy.

There was always the chance that the two waiting in the room were armed to the teeth and out for a little blood.

At least Purcell had the .25. Seven bullets in the clip so he was going to have to be tight with his shots and not waste a round.

“Alrighty, kiddo,” Purcell said as he dragged the boy out of the van. “Time to go say hi to your buddies.”

Well, at least he had a shield in case the boys got antsy.

*

Room 7 was exactly like all the rest of the burnt out shells of old rooms, its main distinction being that the windows were boarded up with sheets of what looked like fresh plywood. They’d built themselves a little fort amid all these comfy crackhead grottos. He imagined what it must feel like inside there: a steamy cesspool stinking of farts, half eaten take out and stale beer.

And sweat.

It was close to 90 degrees outside. Without air conditioning, the room must have become Hell’s asshole.

“D’ya got a key, fuckwad?” That was the other difference between number 7 and others—brand spanking new locks. Too bad they didn’t buy a new door while they were at it; the piece of timber was so worn it was practically falling off the hinges.

“No...just knock...knock and they’ll let ya in no problem.”

No problem.

No problem was a flaming bag of dog shit left on your door step at midnight on Halloween, except instead of ruining your slippers you got dead.

“Great,” Purcell said, “Why don’t you do the honors?”

He pulled the boy in front of him by the neck and ran him straight into where the door met the brand new locks. Just like he figured it would, the door splintered, the door buckled, and two hundred rounds of automatic gun fire came screaming at them. Purcell ducked his head below the kid’s shoulders and listened to the heavy rounds tear the pretty boy to shreds. The body wasn’t going to last long at this rate.

They’d started shooting the minute he hit the door and with the pattern of fire, he figured they were toting AK-47s or something equally as loud and stupid. All he needed to do was bide his time, wait for the firing pins to dry click, and take ’em as soon as they started bumble fucking around with slapping home new clips—of course he’d be screwed six or seven different ways if they were carrying small arms along with the ghetto-chic rifles.

The boys started concentrating their fire on the body’s upper torso. The kid’s head turned into hot pink globs; shards of teeth and bone cut into his scalp; a slug pulverized its way through the kid’s chest and tore a hunk out of Purcell’s shoulder, making him almost drop the .25 cal.

But finally the click.

He let the boy collapse around his feet and he aimed.

Purcell was right about the AKs and the kids he was killing. They were just that, kids; even younger than the pretty boy and covered head-to-toe in zits. The first boy he shot was still in braces, for Christ sakes; the second one pissed his jeans as he tried jamming a banana clip sideways into his rifle. Purcell’d done his fair share of murder, but most of the creeps he’d taken down had in some way deserved it. But kids playing gangster, he couldn’t help but feel a little bit like a Nazi.

Fuck it, you get what you pay for, right?

Time to play detective. The girl was in one of two places, the closet or the toilet, and from where he was standing, the closet looked like in could hold two farts and a t-shirt, so the bathroom it was. He tried the knob, locked. He put his shoulder to it, and there was the girl, handcuffed, mouth taped and another scared shitless pizza face drawing down on Purcell with a .45 nearly bigger than he was. Lucky for Purcell when the kid went to pull the trigger, his finger pulled tight and held.

Purcell had no pity on this one. Rule #1 of when you’re going to shoot someone: make sure the safety isn’t on.

Purcell pulled the tape from the girl’s mouth like a band aid; the sticky side came away with flecks of skin.

“Goddamn!” she yelled. “Who the hell are you? Where’s Arty? Daddy always sends Arty for this kind of thing.”

“Arty was sick, kid. He sent me to get you out of this shit,” he said as he rifled the pockets of the new dead boy.

Her face turned red.

“Bullshit! Bullshit! Bullshit! Arty didn’t send you, you stupid asshole! Arty was supposed to bring my money! Where’s my money?”

Fuck, figures.

Purcell stood up and clipped the girl across her chin.

Women and briefcases, fucking bane of his existence.

And here he was, trying to play the nice guy—free the girl, keep the money, blame the dead P.I. and walk away—but all being a nice got him was a motel room full of dead kids and earful of shit from a spoiled rich girl.

He stepped over the prone, still conscious girl, reached into his pocket, pulled out the P.I.’s flip phone and tossed it on top of the girl.

“Alright, kiddo. Let’s give dad a call and find how much he really loves you.”

What the hell? The way Purcell figured it, if Dad was willing to give up two-fifty, he might just go up to five, especially if he sent a piece of his little girl home to show how serious he was.

Yeah, working with a knife always made him feel better.

BIO: Keith Rawson is a little known pulp writer who lives in the alkaline desert wastelands of southern Arizona with his wife and very energetic three-year-old daughter. His stories have appeared in such publications as Plots with Guns, Pulp Pusher, CrimeWav.com, Bad Things, Powder Burn Flash, A Twist of Noir, Beat to a Pulp, Needle Magazine and many others. Keith is a frequent contributor to BSCreview, a staff writer with Spinetingler Magazine and, along with Cameron Ashley and Liam Jose, he edits and publishes Crimefactory Magazine. You can also find him stroking his overinflated ego at his blog, Bloody Knuckles, Callused Fingertips.

Monday, April 12, 2010

A Twist Of Noir 422 - Keith Rawson

PIRATES BOOTY - KEITH RAWSON

It was only blind luck that we saw the pirates creep aboard Palma’s yacht.

It was late afternoon when Palma and his small entourage of three hookers and two bodyguards boarded the Rosa del Paradisio (the boat was named after his third, and most kow-towed, wife) and headed out of the port of San Diego towards international waters. My partner wanted to let Palma float off into the sunset despite the fact we were only half way through our 12 hour observation shift with strict orders to keep a visual on Palma no matter the situation.

“Fuck it, man, let’s call it into the Coast Guard and hang it up for the night.” I’d only been teamed with Special Agent Ryan for three weeks and the man had to be the laziest human being I’d ever met. But that’s how most agents who spent their careers running listening posts were. They sat on their asses for 12 hours, a shift recording conservations, taking notes and the minute any action started to go down, they radioed it in to let someone else handle the heavy work.

The Palma observation was different, though.

The Man was constantly on the move, traveling from location to location, switching cars every 30 minutes to an hour because he was so bug-fuck paranoid about tails.

Of course, he had every right in the world to be so strung out.

The State Department had a serious hard on for Palma. In the last six months, he’d been making some bold and unprecedented moves, the heaviest of which was shifting his primary source of income from muling dope for the Mexican and Colombian cartels to muling human beings for the Chinese and Russians.

Illegal human transport was a BIG fucking no-no in State’s eyes.

Transporting mountains of coke and smack so scumbag human pieces of shit could wipe themselves out Social Darwinism style, that was okay, that was acceptable loss. But shipping groups of human beings into the States inside airless metal crates so some rich cunt in Century City could have a live-in slave, this is where they drew the line, and the line went straight up Palma’s ass.

So that meant eyes on Palma at all times.

Rain or shine.

Land or sea.

“Go fuck yourself, Ryan.” Was what I had to say to his Coast Guard request.

The 12 agents assigned to the Palma surveillance had full access to the best equipment available, including a GC patrol boat out of SD harbor. Within five minutes of Palma launching, we were on the waves, the low rumble of the engine and lapping of the waves drowning out Ryan’s mumbled curses.

We trolled two or three miles behind the Rosa with the lights off and guided by the Yachts GPS chip. Not that I think Palma and his people would have taken note of us. By the time they dropped anchor, the music was so loud you could hear it from a mile off. Obviously Palma didn’t give a shit about anything tonight; him and his boys were looking to party hard and away from the prying eyes of the Feds, his bosses, his wife, etc., and they wanted to do it hardcore and safe in the confines of lawless international waters. The only issue was that whoever was piloting the Rosa wasn’t paying close enough attention to their navigation systems, because they were a few miles shy of lawless freedom and still bobbing around in Uncle Sam’s slice of watery deep.

“Yeah, this was worth coming out here for, so we can float around out here listening to mariachi music all night.”

I shoot Ryan another look out of the corner of my eye when I notice the skiff. It’s painted jet black, and the only reason I noticed it was because of the skull and crossbones painted on the side of it.

No shit, a Jolly Roger.

The small boat skimmed noiselessly across the water, as oblivious to our presence as the crew of the Rosa was. The skiff pulled alongside the Rosa, latched themselves to the starboard bow with grappling hooks, and five men clambered aboard the yacht, pulling machetes from their belt lopes as they charged towards the center cabin. The gunfire started in immediately and I heard Ryan quietly chuckle as two of the pirates chased one of Palma’s whores out on the deck, trying to rip her clothes off.

I shot Ryan a nasty look out of the corner of my eye. He shrugged, smiled, and said:

“Less work for us, amigo. Enjoy the show.”

The two pirates had tackled the hooker and were giggling and mocking the girl’s screams in Spanish as they finished pulling off what were left of her dress.

“Man, this sure beats the stuff you see on the internet.”

I’d had enough of Ryan for one night. I pulled my silenced non-issue Sig Sauer and put a nine millimeter slug in his face; he tumbled into the water with barely a splash.

Palma wasn’t going down on my watch, no way in hell.

I holstered my piece, slipped off my shoes and jacket and dove into the chop.

I’m far from a fish when it comes to swimming. I didn’t learn until I was ten when my obnoxiously overprotective mother finally let me get my feet wet along the Jersey shore equipped with arm floaties and a life jacket. My mother’s overwhelming fear of the ocean still runs strong in me, but I had a job to do, so I kept myself calm and put one arm in front of the other and kicked my legs. I pissed myself when I felt something slither against my groin.

After what seemed like an hour in the drink, I pulled myself onto the Rosa dripping, my lungs chugging like an asthmatic 12 year-old after P.E. class. I didn’t have much time to waste before these low-rent fuckers tore Palma to pieces, so no chance to catch my breath. I’d lost my Sig when I was out flailing around in the water, so my first order of business was arming myself. The rapists were my best shot at recovering some weapons. I crept up on them, both still giggling away as one of them humped away between the prostitute’s legs and the other squatted on her chest trying to force himself inside her mouth. She had gone as quiet as the grave, the woman was a pro and had obviously lived through similar attacks before. Rape is an inevitable part of a prostitute’s existence; it was better to just lie there, take it, hope your attackers got bored because you weren’t struggling, and left you alive once they were done.

Both pirates had discarded their machetes, so those were my targets. I picked up one of the rusted blades, tested the edge of it against my thumb—sharp, they must’ve honed it with a whetstone before storming the boat—and gave its sharpness a real world test. I hit the humper in the neck; arterial spray drenched his partner’s back like a porno moneyshot. He gripped his throat trying to keep the blood in and I slashed the second man across the eyes and then jammed it down his open mouth to stop his scream. I didn’t bother with helping the hooker climb out from under the bodies and headed to the main cabin.

The music was still at top volume, so I really didn’t have to play it subtle. I pushed opened the cabin door. The scene inside the cabin was much the same as the one I’d stumbled upon on the deck.

Rape, wholesale rape.

It seemed like all these Mexican pirates wanted to do was get their dicks wet. Fuck robbing and stealing, they wanted to get their jollies.

Both of the bodyguards and one of the hookers were slashed to ribbons and piled on top of one another in the short hallway leading to the main cabin. All of them were naked below the waist. I couldn’t help but wonder if the pirates had fucked them before or after they were dead. The raiders in their haste hadn’t bothered to disarm either of the bodyguards. Both of them were heeled with big nasty looking .45’s strapped into their shoulder rigs. Where the fuck did Palma get these bodyguards, the discount hardman warehouse? I mean, seriously, the pirates came onboard fast, but not so fast that these two dimwits couldn’t arm themselves. I discarded the blade and pulled one of the pieces, racked the slide, stepped over the jumbled bodies and into the cabin.

The grunts and groans were nearly drowning out the music. I spotted the third hooker first, naked, curled into a tight ball in a far corner of the cabin. She was alive, at least, and it looked like no one had touched her yet. No one had touched her because the remaining three men were all huddled on top of Palma. Two of them held down his arms while the third plowed Palma’s back forty. Palma screamed and struggled, trying to pull his arms out from underneath the weight of his captors. I found the whole scene stomach-turning and yet oddly fascinating. It amazes me the way certain criminal minds work. So simple, so singled-minded in purpose. Some of them, like Palma, had the ability to see the big picture, to strive beyond their base urges and grasp for the brass ring. The rest—like these creeps who were turning Palma’s rectum inside out—they can never seem to get their head into the game, never rise above their urges. But I suppose most people are the same way. They just have a little something extra telling them the difference between right and wrong.

I waited until the rapist riding Palma’s ass was spent and then I unloaded on the gangbang. I took the two restraining Palma first.

One bullet each to the face.

The humper turned on me, giving me a look at his pud. The pirate was fat and wore a stained under-sized t-shirt and no pants. His dick was maybe all of four inches and the circumference of a pinky. He did a little side-to-side jig, trying to decide whether to run from me or rush me. I didn’t give him a chance to do either and put two into him; one to the throat and the other to the face because I fucked up my aim the first shot.

I approached Palma, placing my free hand on his shoulder and turned him over on to his back. He looked up at me with beseeching, tear-glazed eyes. He looked at the .45 still in my hand as if he wanted me to jam the hot barrel against his forehead and send him away from all the anguish his body and mind was going through. He sat up, a small pained grimace creasing his face as he adjusted his weight to his burning ass and he hugged me around waist; his tear -treaked face pressing against my stomach.

“What the fuck took you so long, Sal?” he asked through choked sobs. “What the fuck took you so long?”

I stroked his graying black hair, remembering when we were boys and Ma would send us to the store for groceries, telling us we could keep the change of whatever we didn’t spend and Luka, my big brother, Mr. Future-Wannabe-Criminal-Kingpin, he’d always pocket the change, never once letting me share no matter how much I cried or even if I told on him.

I couldn’t help but smile at the memory and think what happened here, tonight, on the Paradisio, was revenge enough.

BIO: Keith Rawson is a little known pulp writer who lives in the alkaline desert wastelands of southern Arizona with his wife and very energetic three-year-old daughter. His stories have appeared in such publications as Plots with Guns, Pulp Pusher, CrimeWav.com, Bad Things, Powder Burn Flash, A Twist of Noir, Beat to a Pulp, Needle Magazine and many others. Keith is a frequent contributor to BSCreview, a staff writer with Spinetingler Magazine and, along with Cameron Ashley and Liam Jose, he edits and publishes Crimefactory Magazine. You can also find him stroking his overinflated ego at his blog, Bloody Knuckles, Callused Fingertips.

Saturday, March 27, 2010

A Twist Of Noir 403 - Keith Rawson

TWO CHERYLS - KEITH RAWSON

The 1st Cheryl

The family had worn him to a nub this weekend.

The boys had decided to get up at 4:30 in the morning on Saturday. Normally they were both sound sleepers, but for some reason the twins were acting like it was Christmas morning and they knew they were either getting bicycles or some elaborate video game system and couldn’t wait to get their greasy little kid hands on them. When they were toddlers, Jason hadn’t minded the early mornings—he was a natural early riser—but now that the twins were six years-old and far more independent, he’d readapted his sleep patterns to his and Cheryl’s pre-children days:

In bed by 2 AM and up whenever the hell he felt like it.

Of course, the boys didn’t give a shit what time he’d gone to bed and as usual, not even gunfire three inches from her head was going to wake Cheryl. So he headed downstairs with them to doze on the couch as they watched whatever obnoxious cartoon they were into at the moment.

No doing.

They both wanted some serious Daddy attention; which meant he was down on the carpet with them building forts with Lego blogs and fighting wars with Star Wars and Transformer action figures until Cheryl dragged her sagging ass out of bed around ten. Within an hour of getting up, they were piled into the van off to run errands. Cheryl had no sympathy for his two hours of sleep. She was home alone with the boys five days a week and had plenty of days where she didn’t have enough sleep, either.

Sunday wasn’t any better. He had a little more sleep because he’d passed out a half hour after the boys’ bedtime at eight, but they still got him up at four and wanted the same performance as the morning before. No chores on Sundays, but the boys had soccer and both of them were on separate teams and their games ran one after the other, which meant four hours out in the sun, sweating and listening to lifeless suburbanites bitch about how badly the kids other than their own were playing.

Cheryl did let him catch a brief nap after they got home, but it was interrupted after forty-five minutes when he heard Cheryl’s shrill, loud enough to break sound barrier voice yelling for the boys to stop whatever they were doing and came charging into the bedroom, shouting at him in the same octave. Yelling at him to get his lazy ass up RIGHT NOW!

Jason was a patient man, he’d put up with Cheryl’s near psychotic outbursts for fifteen years.

He’d bowed down to her every whim:

He obeyed when she told him she wanted to get married.

He obeyed when she said she wanted to get pregnant.

He obeyed when she said she wanted to stay home and raise the boys, even though they had fifty thousand dollars in student loan debt from her education they were paying off.

He was a dutiful, hard-working husband, and all that he asked was the chance to get a little rest on the weekends. A little time to himself to recover from his sixty-hour work week.

He flung himself out of bed, his eyes grainy; his throat tight and dry. He needed a couple of minutes to let himself wake up. Cheryl wasn’t giving him a minute; she needed his help. He needed to get the boys under control. Her shrill babble filled his head; the noise was like a table saw grinding against a broken carpenter’s nail buried and invisible in a 2-by-4.

“SHUT! THE! FUCK! UP!”

Hearing the VOICE well up from his chest, rumble up his throat and explode out of his mouth was perhaps the single proudest moment of his life.

And the look in Cheryl’s eyes.

The woman who had been his wife for fifteen years had never known a moment of fear in her entire life and at this perfect moment, her steely grey eyes trembled, a sheen of tears briefly coating them right before she asked:

“What the FUCK did you say?”

She shoved him, putting all 5’3”, 120 pounds of herself into it.

She barely budged him.

Her first punch made him laugh, which pissed her off just enough to put a little more intensity into it. Within seconds, it felt like she had sprouted six arms; her sharp knuckles digging into his bones, colliding with his teeth. He struck out blind, grabbing a fistful of Cheryl’s sandy blonde hair. He shook her like a pitbull, lifting Cheryl’s small frame off the floor and tossing her at the wide mirror attached to the dresser. She tumbled with rag doll elegance, a cooling hunk of meat and bone, shards of mirror dragging bloody gashes. She landed flat, staring up at him, all of the fire and life gone from her eyes.

The boys stood in the doorway of the bedroom, their cheeks wet, screams tearing from their lungs.

Jason didn’t hear them...

His boys, they were good boys. He’d always taught them to be good, honest, obey their parents, never tell a lie.

They’d say something about their mother being gone.

His boys.

His good, honest boys...

After it was all said and done, he had to get out of the house, take a walk. Nothing epic, just a couple of miles to clear his head.

Jason’s neighborhood wasn’t much, a typical Phoenix suburb, nothing but track homes broken up by the occasional mini-mall. The only thing that broke up the monotony was a Catholic church a couple of miles down the road from his development. He remembered the realtor used it as one of the selling points of the neighborhood when they were deciding to move in or not. He shrugged it off; neither he nor Cheryl was particularly religious and the last time either of them had been inside a church was when Cheryl’s baby sister married her first husband, the god nut with the lisp. But he needed some peace and quiet and he figured the church might be good for a little solitude.

Jason stepped through the heavy wooden doors of the entrance and was enveloped by the sudden murky darkness and the near arctic chill of the air conditioning. He took a deep breath, blowing it out slowly through gritted teeth; he was exhausted, needed to sit down. He headed into the chapel, hands tucked into his pockets. Walking into the flickering candlelit chapel, he expected peace and quiet, maybe some illuminating stained glass windows, and, of course, the emaciated vestige of Christ dying on the cross, staring down, judging him with his weeping gaze.

What he got instead was a young nun bent over a pew, her habit hiked up around her hips, wearing black fishnet stockings, black six-inch stripper heels with a black man noisily lapping away at her upraised ass.

It was like a scene out of a porno. The young nun was quietly whispering to the black man, telling him what a bad boy he was, that he was getting what he deserved; her tongue flicked out between her teeth, licking her full lips. He should’ve been disgusted by what he was seeing. No, he wasn’t religious, but this woman, she had made a pledge to God...but here she was, getting her pipes cleaned by some hood rat! He should’ve been rushing down the aisle, pulling the two of them apart and give them a stern lecture...

...should’ve...

Instead, he focus on her lips, on the string of obscenities and dirty talk flooding from her mouth and started rubbing himself through his pockets.

Rubbing and rubbing to the sound of her words and the wet slurping.

He let out sharp breath as he suddenly came in his underpants and the nun’s snapped to attention, seeing him for the first time, her eyes as big saucers.

“Oh my God,” she said. “Oh my God!”

He started back down the aisle, getting ready to run just as the black man stood at his full height, his stern face glistening in the candle light.

*

The 2nd Cheryl

Cheryl’s been bugging me about having a kid. She says it will help cement our love, make us a stronger couple, all that stuff women say when they want their bellies filled with eight pounds of shit machine. I wish I didn’t sound so bitter, because I’m not. I’m forty years old and some how I’ve managed not to get a single woman I’ve ever been with pregnant.

But here I am with a twenty-five year-old wife.

A blonde, tight-bodied, smoking hot twenty-five year-old white girl.

She’s pornstar caliber all the way and goddamn she’s hot in the sack. So hot that I needed to get myself on Dr. Porkenhiemer’s big blue pill in order to keep up with her urges.

We’ve been together three years.

It ain’t all been blissful. Her folks weren’t exactly down with our age difference or with my skin color. My family pretty much felt the same way. Both my mother and oldest sister nearly fainted when I brought her home. Both of them always hoped I’d end up with a nice church-bred black girl; both of them hoped I’d end up with a woman just like them; hard-headed, strong-willed and waiting for some man to come along, boss ’em around and occasionally knock out one of their front teeth or bust their nose for throwing out a little too much sass.

My Cheryl, she’s strong-willed, she’s ambitious, and she ain’t a damn thing like my mother or sister. But we dealt with the disapproval of our families and we built a good life together. Solid careers, a beautiful home, a small, tight knit group of friends.

It’s a perfect life as far as I’m concerned.

But then she started in with the baby talk. I hemmed and hawed, smiled politely whenever she brought it up, but never giving her any kind of real answer to how I felt.

Until she finally cornered me one night after we’d drank a couple of bottles of good wine with dinner.

The way her eyes sparkled when she talked about having a baby, of having a person who was made of a small piece of her and me, it melted my heart, it made me want to have a baby with her.

Kind of.

I didn’t know what kind of father I’d be. My father was mulch by the time I was two years old and the only father figures I knew were the series of bonebreakers my mother hooked up with when I was growing weren’t the type of assholes you wanted to use as templates.

I said fuck it, especially since the idea of getting knocked up was driving Cheryl wild and her normally advantageous sexuality was kick-started into overdrive and she was turning me inside out two or three times a day. I couldn’t keep up and started pushing her away when she’d try climbing on top of me. Then she started trying different things to keep me interested and as revved up as she was.

Crazy, kinky shit.

My girl’s biggest thing is roleplay.

When Cheryl was in high school, she was huge into the drama club, so was her first boyfriend. Her first sexual experiences were hot, sweaty throwdowns dressed up like Romeo and Juliet, or whatever costumes they happened to be performing in that semester. We’d played her games only a few times before our spate of baby-making—bad cop, French maid, dirty nurse—and it was some of our most explosive sex. But when Cheryl decided on wanting a baby, she stepped up her routines and, along with playing dress up, she wanted to act out her little passion plays on location.

The French maid routine now had to be in an upscale hotel room.

Bad cop had to be at the side of a three AM strip of two lane highway.

Dirty nurse had to be in a hospital emergency room.

The bigger the risk, the hotter she got and I had to admit, it got me sweating just as hard.

But I thought her dressing up like a nun and us heading down to the local Catholic Church was a bit much.

Even though neither Cheryl or I were very religious, I was raised Southern Baptist, the church was my family’s entire world and it was instilled in me that every church—no mater which faith it may be—was sacred.

Cheryl kept pushing.

She kept parading her ass around in the sack cloth black and white habit with nothing underneath except black six inch stripper heels, fishnets, and no panties.

Like all of her other demands, I finally relented and drove her down to the church a couple of miles away from our townhouse on a Thursday night.

The chapel was completely abandoned, so we started in on her nun/teacher/naughty parochial school boy fantasy. We were just getting into it, Cheryl bent over a pew, my face buried in her ass, lapping away, and I felt her tense up.

“Oh my God...oh my God!”

I stared up and saw some nondescript white dude backing down the aisle, not able to take his eyes off the two of us. “Stop him, Ty!” Cheryl practically shrieked. “You’ve got to stop him!”

I stood up, letting the man see my full six-foot-three frame, my face slick with spit and Cheryl’s juices and I charged. His eyes were huge and glazed over, still in shock over what he was seeing. I hit him hard, tackling him around the midsection. I clambered on top of him, wrapping my big hands tight across his throat. He tried fighting back; weak punches glancing off my shoulders. I heard Cheryl somewhere far away, her voice high and shrill.

I didn’t know why I was squeezing the life out of this complete stranger. Maybe it was because all the blood that normally would’ve been powering my brain had all drained away from it to power up my dick and I was in survival mode, like some kind of animal.

I finally came out of my blood stupor, the dead man under me, Cheryl standing over me, her face glowing, slack-jawed. She pushed me off of him and collapsed on top of me, maniacally grinding me, cumming over and over again, never taking her eyes off the corpse.

That was two months ago.

Six bodies ago.

Still no baby.

We’re out again tonight; she wants me to do a cop, so we’re in a stolen car, speeding around corners, side-swiping parked vehicles, trying to attract attention.

I want to tell her every day that we need to stop; that we’ve gone too far.

But I can’t.

I just can’t say no to her.

BIO: Keith Rawson is a little known pulp writer who lives in the alkaline desert wastelands of southern Arizona with his wife and very energetic three-year-old daughter. His stories have appeared in such publications as Plots with Guns, Pulp Pusher, CrimeWav.com, Bad Things, Powder Burn Flash, A Twist of Noir, Beat to a Pulp and many others. You can find him most nights dicking around on either Twitter or Facebook, or stroking his already over-inflated ego at his blog Bloody Knuckles, Callused Fingertips.

Thursday, December 31, 2009

A Twist Of Noir 313 - Keith Rawson

RETAIL THERAPY: A WAL*MART STORY - KEITH RAWSON

The wife’s kicked me out of the house, at least for tonight.

The wife’s having a dildo party.

I ask her, “What, my cock’s not good enough for you?”

She laughs and tells me to get the hell out.

I’m okay with this, I’m not a party person, especially if the party involves a bunch of middle age women stroking and fawning over a bunch of rubber and glass phalluses.

The wife is a party person, she loves being apart of a crowd; mixing and blending, being a part of multiple conversations.

I have a hard enough time keeping up with a conversation with just one person, let alone three or four.

I do as she asks and head to the Chinese restaurant down the road that I like but I can never get the wife to eat at.

It’s a popular place, lots of couples and families slurping hot and sour soup, noshing egg rolls and pork lo mien. I’m the only one in the restaurant who’s eating alone. This is something else I don’t have problem with. Most people I know hate eating alone. They always need someone else there to acknowledge their presence. Someone to compliment their exquisite manners or admire their chewing technique.

Other than the wife, I don’t eat with other people.

My co-workers at the day job all think I’m stuck up because I’ll never tag along whenever they all go out to lunch. No one’s ever told me they think I’m a snob, but I work in a small office and I hear the whispers, it doesn’t bother me.

I ordered Kung pao chicken and a couple of pork dumplings as appetizers.

Normally I’m a slow, measured eater, but I’m shoveling it in tonight like I haven’t eaten in days, weeks.

I finish up, leave a twenty spot on the table even though my bill’s only eleven dollars and head out the door like my ass is on fire.

I’m in a pissy mood, I have been for weeks.

Don’t get me wrong; the life I’ve established with the wife is a good one. I’m living the big FAT American dream:

Over-mortgaged home

Massive credit card debit

Driving luxury cars that we can’t even remotely afford.

But we look good.

We feel good, except when the credit card bills come in the middle of the month and the wife chews her fingernails to the quick and turns herself inside out—at least until she shreds the bills and goes on a shopping spree.

Like parties, I don’t do shopping sprees.

What’s got me so antsy isn’t my big FAT American life, but my life before.

My life before was simple and satisfying.

It was strictly cash and carry. I owned a car, but the type of wreck you could buy for seven hundred bucks from a private owner no questions asked and abandon at the side of the road when it stopped running. I had no identity, no fixed address. I either slept in whatever jalopy I was driving, or if I was lucky enough, I’d meet some woman, some girl at a bar who was impressed—and drunk enough—by my tattoos, my bad boy stories of rural county jails and prolific drug use. More often than not, I would have a place to sleep for a night, a week, a month or two, but eventually I’d get bored, pack half the contents of whatever woman’s apartment I was staying with into the trunk of my car, drive over to the closest pawnshop and head out of town.

The wife started out as this type of woman.

Just another convenient piece of ass at some nameless bar that played the music too loud and charged too much for draft beer. But for some reason, I stuck around. It wasn’t like the wife was a spectacular lay or anything like that; she was just another drunk girl at a college town hole in the wall. She was nice, though, not the usual trust fund girl. The wife was working her way through school and I didn’t have the heart to rip her off.

She let me stay three months rent-free; I started to feel bad that I wasn’t contributing; she said she didn’t care, but I got a job all the same.

Seven years later...

...sitting in a cube, ignoring office gossip, driving a leased Lexus, vacationing in Cabo...

I don’t miss the old life.

Most of the time.

When I do miss it, I go and do my own version of retail therapy.

With my version, I never end up at the checkout counter with a hot little credit card clutched in my greasy fingers.

I end up cruising out the front door, my cargo pants stuffed with merchandise, ready to bolt if I set off an alarm.

It’s not the same as cleaning out some broad’s apartment, or kicking the shit out of a college kid for his beer money, but what I do now are forgivable crimes; the kind of transgressions that if you get caught, all that happens is you get ticketed along with a stern lecture from the cops. And if you’re smart, you carry fake ID and the ticket the police give you is just another piece of paper to be wadded up and thrown into the ever-increasing pile of trash in the backseat of my car.

I start off the night at my local bookstore. We come here often and my purchases here are my largest contribution to our debt. I’ve always loved books, the weight and feel of the pages. I use to spend hours in the libraries of whatever town I’d end up in after I outlasted my welcome. A library is one of the best ways to judge a new community. You see how a city’s population treats its bums and drunks, how they interact, what they read; if you notice people checking out more DVD’s and videos than books, you know you’ve hit the jackpot; you know you’re dealing with a bunch of easily taken hicks. The downside with this kind of population is that they’re quicker to react with wholesale violence if they catch you in a scam.

If you notice more books flying off the shelves, chances are your dealing with a far more liberal community. Intelligent, forgiving human beings who turn the other cheek as you rob them blind.

I like the liberal cities far more.

I end up leaving the bookstore, not wanting to shit where I sleep and head across the street to the local big box monstrosity and stroll into Wal*Mart. I never come to Wal*Mart and whenever I steal from them I almost feel like a folk hero; like some guy hippies will write bad acoustic jam songs about. The liver spot in a blue vest whose name tag reads, Ralph, fisheyes me as I step through the smudged automatic doors and gives me a nice long view of his tobacco brown dentures. The greeter was Wally World’s half-assed version of security. Cheap bastards, like this old fucker, could stop someone from pushing a cart full of flatscreen televisions out the front door if it was coming at him full speed? I’m not a smash-and-grab kind of guy, there’s no art to it. Not that stealing is any kind of art form, all it is is taking stuff off the shelf and sticking it in your pockets and hoping no one has an eye on you.

I head to the pharmaceutical aisles first. I walk with a purposeful stride and slightly annoyed wrinkle creasing my forehead. If you walk into any store with this kind of expression, with this kind of attitude, it warns people away from you. It lets the world know you’re on some short, annoying errand that’s interrupting your day; the look is especially effective with store employees. The last thing a retail employee wants is to catch an earful of shit from some fucker who was sent out by the wife to grab a box of tampons or a gallon of milk. It also lets me have free reign over the contents of the store.

I pocket every sixth item I pick up. I grab watermelon-flavored condoms, bubblegum-flavored toothpaste, mint dental floss. The pharmacy aisle is a cakewalk. Most stores expect and accept a certain amount of theft, especially when it comes to medicine and food items like candy bars and even if staff sees the theft go down, they’re typically reluctant to stop it. I decide I need more of a challenge and head to electronics. The electronics section of any department store is the most difficult to steal from. I’m not looking to grab a Blu-Ray player or anything like that, but CDs and DVDs are a bitch to carry out because of all the security markers retailers stuff in the packaging.

I do the same as I did in the pharmacy aisle; the little shit working the service desk has his head buried up his ass and texting a mile a minute. I head to housewares and start getting a little daring. I start stuffing everything I pick up into my pockets—spatulas, bargain basement cutlery sets. I felt a hand on my shoulder. I turned and stood face-to-face with a middle-aged man with thinning sandy blond hair and glasses. His high forehead was a geodesic map of sharp blackheads. He wore the requisite blue vest and an enormous smiley face name tag pinned to his chest.

It reads:

HI MY NAME IS STUART!

“Sir, can I see what’s in your pockets?” Old Stuart’s voice is a squeak, full of fear and regret. I give him an eyeful of my ten thousand dollars worth of veneers and say:

“Sure, buddy.”

I worm my right hand past my wallet and keys and palm my stiletto. My movements are smooth and practiced; I pop the six inches of Mexican steel and press the point into his flabby stomach. I’ve never been caught shoplifting, but I’ve rehearsed this exact scenario dozens of times in front of the bathroom mirror. I don’t sink the blade into Stuart’s stomach; all I do is press the tip past the layers of cloth and prick the skin of his soft belly. My smile feels like it’s tearing in half as I watch his bottom lip quiver, a silvery line of drool making its way down his weak chin.

“How do you like what I got in my pocket, Stu?” I ask. “This is what you wanted to see, right?”

He’s starting to cry. Not big shuttering, beg for his life gasps, but only a trickle, a tear or two clustering in his eye boogers.

“Answer me, Stu. This is what you wanted to see?”

He nods his head, slack-jawed and weak.

I stared down at my hand, it is steady, but Stu... Stu’s a quivering bowl of Jell-o. He’s shaking so bad that he’s managed to nick up his stomach; a patch of blood is seeping through his shirt.

“Here’s what’s your gonna do, Stu. You’re gonna stand here and count to 120 and then back to zero again. Do you understand?”

He gives me another palsied nod.

I snap the blade back into the hilt, turn and I notice Stu’s standing in a syrupy miniature lake of piss. I think about saying something pithy like, ‘Clean up on aisle 16’ or some such shit. Instead, I head back to the entrance.

BIO: Keith Rawson is a little known pulp writer who lives in the alkaline desert wastelands of southern Arizona with his wife and very energetic three-year-old daughter. His stories have appeared in such publications as Plots with Guns, Pulp Pusher, CrimeWav.com, Bad Things, Powder Burn Flash, A Twist of Noir, Beat to a Pulp and many others. You can find him most nights dicking around on either Twitter or Facebook, or stroking his already over-inflated ego at his blog Bloody Knuckles, Callused Fingertips.

Saturday, October 17, 2009

A Twist Of Noir 228 - Keith Rawson

PENIS ENVY - KEITH RAWSON

An Entry In Eric Beetner's FIST Contest

Cal knew this black guy from the gym had to be the one sending pictures of his cock to Sandy. He knew because he’d been keeping tabs on cocks when he headed into the shower room after finishing up his daily work out for weeks now. At first it felt a little weird standing in the shower stall and staring at other dudes’ dicks. Cal was subtle about it at first, peeking little glimpses out of the corner of his eye; the occasional longer glance when he would bend over to wash his feet and legs. But over the last week, he’d become obsessed and blatantly glowered at other guys’ junk. He could tell he was making some of them more than a little nervous. Not that he blamed them; if he had some dude staring at his junk in the shower, he’d walk up to him and twist his pin fucking head right off their goddamn shoulders and shove it right up their ass.

But nobody in the shower was going to do that to Cal, no matter how creepy he was making them feel. Everybody at the gym knew who Cal was; everybody knew he was the dude who benched 700 lbs 3 times; he was the dude who could squat thrust close to half a ton; he was the dude with a neck like a bull and shoulders like a rhino and he just happens to be screwing the hottest chick at the gym.

Ain’t nobody fucks with Cal Matlin!

Except the motherfucker who sent pictures of his cock to Sandy.

Sandy got the picture message while they were at dinner and she—as usual—had her face buried in the screen of her little fucking Blackberry, texting away to all her little whore friends instead of paying attention to what he was saying. Cal remembered he was talking about helping this little guy pull 250 lbs of weight off his chest when suddenly Sandy stopped breathing and her perfect, sunbed-tanned face went pale green. Cal thought she was choking on a piece of her chicken breast. He shrugged out of his chair, nearly upending the table, rushed behind her to get a good grip on her for a Heimlich, and got a great big eye full of a giant cock.

“What the hell? Who the fuck sent that to you?” he asked, his tiny hands balling into fists.

“I...I don’t know...I don’t know...” she stammered, nearly in tears.

Cal snatched the crackberry out of her hands and scanned the number the picture text had come from. Their waiter had rushed over to their table, pad and pen on hand. Cal yanked both out of his trembling hands and scribbled the number down, closed the picture and started scrolling through Sandy’s contact list. Nothing but girls from the gym and a couple of fags she knew from the salon she worked at. He slammed the phone down on the table, pulled Sandy out of her chair and flipped three twenties out of his wallet to cover their bill. Sandy slipped the phone into her purse even though Cal had nearly broken the goddamn thing in half.

Sandy picked up a new phone the next day (god forbid she go even a day without one) and the jack-off at the AT&T store was able to transfer all her info onto the new phone, including the photo.

Fucking bitch.

He wouldn’t have even known about it, but Cal started scrolling through her photos when she was taking a shower. He couldn’t believe she hadn’t gotten rid of it and when she got out, pink and glistening with a towel wrapped around her hair, he showed her how pissed he was about the snapshot by bruising a couple of her ribs.

Yeah, she could swear up and down she didn’t know who sent it, but Cal knew she was getting snaked out by this big motherfucker!

He made up for dishing out the beating with a pair of diamond studded earrings he gripped from some little treadmill-loving cocksucker’s locker, and of course he made her swear up and down that she wouldn’t fuck around on him anymore.

And then he started his hunt for the giant cock.

He spotted the guy a week ago. He was a squatty dude and he was soaping up his chest, goofing with his boys about their workout and he was swinging his log of timber around like he didn’t have a fucking care in the world. It was as if he was hypnotized. Cal couldn’t take his eyes off of it. Cal started coordinating his routine with the Giant Johnson dude so they’d hit the shower at the same time. By the third day, he was sure it was the same cock from the picture text.

He was waiting for him now out in the parking lot. Cal would’ve taken him in the showers, but he wanted to stay in good standing with the gym, and fighting was strictly forbidden, so he’d fuck up old Long Dong Silver out on the blacktop. He came strolling along with his gym bag and two of his boys. He recognized both of them from around the floor. They were strong dudes but he figured he could take them in a pinch. Cal stormed up to them and shoved the fireplug hard in the chest.

“What the fuck’s wrong with you, man?” the big cock dude asked, dropping his bag.

“You know what’s up, dude!” Cal made a grab for the guy’s pants; he wanted a closer look at it before he kicked the guy’s ass.

He didn’t get the chance.

The first punch was to his left ear.

The world went white and hazy.

The next three dropped him to the blacktop. He felt his front teeth hit the back of his throat; the cartilage of his nose splintered, blood squirting across his cheeks, down his chin.

Yet he still tried reaching for the guy’s waistband.

Even when the three of them started stomping his ribs, his stomach, and bile rose up his throat, he still...tried making the grab...

He just had to see it for himself.

BIO: Keith Rawson is a little known pulp writer who lives in the alkaline desert wastelands of southern Arizona with his wife and very energetic three-year-old daughter. His stories have appeared in such publications as Plots with Guns, Pulp Pusher, CrimeWav.com, Bad Things, Powder Burn Flash, A Twist of Noir, Beat to a Pulp and many others. You can find him most nights dicking around on either Twitter or Facebook, or stroking his already over-inflated ego at his blog Bloody Knuckles, Callused Fingertips.

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

A Twist Of Noir 200 - Keith Rawson

WHAT WE PRAY FOR - KEITH RAWSON

Originally published at Crooked in February 2009

And here’s the money shot!

Tits and ass, genital-to-genital contact, and luckily, his target wasn’t all that hard on the eyes. Not exactly porn star quality stiff silicon Double D tits and airbrushed perfection, but definitely a higher quality than the usual fatty sagginess you typically expect from middle-age targets. This was what Devin Holman and his colleagues lived for. There wasn’t any of that Sam Spade shit involved in P.I. work. Yeah, that’s what you got into the business for at first. Most of the jackasses—Holman included—who became private investigators got into it because they read too many crime novels growing up, thinking that they’d be chasing down murderers, international jewel thieves, foreign secrets agents—all that Dashell Hammett bullshit. Reality check. Cops chase real crooks, CIA chases spies and international jewel thieves, well, those bastards don’t even fucking exist.

No, P.I.s chased down pussy hounds and bored housewives; they ran background checks for ruthless multinational corporations on new potatoes to plant in cube farms. He remembered those days. His first year at Tillman & Associates, he rode formica, shifting through credit reports, drug test results and minor criminal records. He’d watch his colleagues coming in from all-nighters trailing the negligent spouses; the horny housewives and husbands and wished it was him out on the street. Surely being on an observation was more exciting than getting tension headaches from reading blinking computer print eight hours a day. Wrong, very wrong.

How long ago was it when old man Tillman sent him out on his first observation? Eight years ago? Nine years ago? Shit, Holman couldn’t even remember the case. He was sure that it was just some traveling salesman getting his dick wet when he was out of town. Maybe the wife grew suspicious of his business trips and hired the firm when she came down with a dose of the clap or a bush full of crabs. Whatever. All the cases, all the observations, they all blended into one big flabby fuck session after so many years on the job. And all you truly cared about was the money shot, the moment when the clothes came off and hopefully the drapes were left open wide enough so that you could snap off a couple of tightly focused shots and you could go home and go to bed at a reasonable hour.

Which was what was so great about this particular observation, it was only 9 o’clock and here was Mrs. Sam Miller stripping down to her God-given glory and getting ready to spread it to a man that wasn’t her husband. Mrs. Miller was the soon-to-be former trophy wife of a retired dot.com hotshot who was actually smart enough to get out and walk away with close to a billion stuffed in his bulging pockets before his intellectual property took a shit like all the rest. But, like most multimillionaire computer geeks, Miller was true to the stereotype and he married the first piece of trim that spent more than five minutes paying attention to him. The problem with Mrs. Miller is that she came to the marriage with a whole shitload of baggage. First off, when Mr. Miller met her, she was a stripper dancing at a club that Mr. Miller used to frequent with out-of-town clients and investors. Mrs. Miller was Mr. Miller’s favorite pole climber and he shoveled thousands of dollars into her g-string before he built up the courage to buy a three-carat ring. Mr. Miller wasn’t a stupid man, though; before the I DOs, Mr. Miller had the future Mrs. Miller sign a pre-nup. Mrs. Miller had no problem with it. It was a fair agreement that treated her right in case the two of them divorced. That is unless she fucked around on Mr. Miller, which, of course, she would never do.

Ten years into the marriage, apparently Mrs. Miller had never stepped out on her geek in shinning armor, but suddenly Mr. Miller started noticing Mrs. Miller’s behavior changing ever-so-slightly. Nothing that you would call out of the ordinary, just little things: hushed cell phone conversations, mysterious errands and shopping trips where she wouldn’t come back with anything from the mall. And, of course, the disturbing lack of sex in their marriage. From a physical standpoint, their marriage had always been a primal, animal thing. But for over six months, the sex had dwindled to a few awkward encounters and. two weeks ago, Mrs. Miller straight up refused his advances. That’s when he decided to sick Tillman & Associates on Mrs. Miller.

At this point in his story, Mr. Miller, the pathetic fuck, broke down in big snotty tears. Holman hated this part of the job. He wasn’t a priest, for Christ's sake, he wasn’t there to comfort the client and soothe their little emotional aches and pains. He was there to track the target and catch them doing what they weren’t supposed to be, so the client could avoid handing a huge divorce settlement. But, as his years on the job had taught him, it was better to attempt to give some form of sympathy; the referrals Mr. Miller might bring in if Holman did his job right could possibly keep him in Fat City for years to come. So he offered the snotty blubber pot a tissue and did hid best to assure Mr. Miller that Mrs. Miller probably wasn’t stepping out on him.

Yeah, right.

Holman expected the Miller observation to go on for weeks. Women are, by nature, a very secretive bunch, and when they don’t want the men in their lives to know something, they can keep it buried deep for years, sometimes decades. And when it came to having an affair, women were meticulous in their behaviors. Unlike men, women were extremely discrete. They shifted patterns, never meeting at the same restaurant, bar or hotel room twice. They’d park their cars in mall parking garages under the guise of spending yet another day shopping and cab it out to their true destination. One of Holman’s first street observations lasted nearly a month because the wife he was trailing seemed to have cars stashed all over the city and the only way he managed to finally catch her on film was that she made the mistake of having her boyfriend pick her up at the primary residence.

But Mrs. Miller completely surprised him on the first day of ops. She left the family home midday, dressed down in workout clothes and carrying a gym bag. Her first stop was an upscale gym, complete with gates and security guards semi-lethally armed with tasers. No access, so Holman parked a block away from the entrance gate, sipping coffee and listening to the police band on his scanner. Fortunately, the club had one way in and one way out, so there was no way he’d lose sight of Mrs. Miller’s Silver Beemer. He spotted her again three hours after she entered, no workout gear this time from his vantage point. They rolled along in 5 o’clock traffic, Holman sticking three or four car lanes behind at all times. They were headed in the opposite direction of the Millers' mini-mansion. She finally pulled into the parking lot of a chain sports bar called The Spot.

She stepped out of the car in full come-fuck-me gear: lose-fitting, low-slung skin-beige dress that was a near perfect match for her own bronze skin tone. Her long blonde hair was loose and feathered like some '70s poster girl sex goddess. She finished off the outfit with black Armani shades that seemed to cover half her face and pale brown suede calf-length boots. Holman nearly came in his pants as he watched her near-perfect ass roll gracefully with a well-practiced bump and grind with each step she took towards the suburban bar.

The bar was apparently a brief pit-stop and she strolled out with a man of undetermined stature fifteen minutes later. He kept his appearance well-concealed behind his own enormous pair of wrap-around shades, an LA Dodgers hat pulled low over his forehead and his body wrapped in what appeared to be a floor-length suede overcoat. Holman smelled golf hustler, a wealthy woman’s man-whore. The fugitive couple piled into Mrs. Miller’s vehicle and drove a couple of miles down the road to a Denny's, with an hourly rate motel next-door.

Holman couldn’t remember the last time he’d broken an observation down in less than 24 hours! Jesus, either Mrs. Miller didn’t have clue her husband was having her followed or she just didn’t care and was thinking her sport-fucking as a possible exit strategy from her marriage. After a quick snack of deep-fried garbage, the couple headed to the motel’s front office, rented a ground floor room and headed inside, politely groping each other. They left the dusty vertical blinds open for the entire world to see, and most importantly, for his camera to catch live and uncensored in lifelike digital glory.

Holman zoomed the lens a full ten to catch a righteous shot of Mrs. Miller, hands flat on the window ledge, bent over, back arched, slightly sagging but still close to perfect tits bounce back and forth threatening to smack her right on the chin as the golf hustler banged away from behind, still sporting shades, hat and trench coat, his hands roughly gripping her tanned shoulders for extra thrust. Holman’s heart felt like a cement mixer on overdrive. This shit was hot and it reminded him how long it had been since he’d last been laid. Fucking ages. The couple switched up positions, Mrs. Miller’s ass now planted on the window ledge, her firm calves parked on the mystery man’s shoulders. The hustler had Mrs. Miller’s back pinned against the window, his hands moving between rubbing her tits to running his fingers through her thick hair.

Holman had more than enough shots to send Mrs. Miller back to the day shift at some greasy strip bar but he couldn’t take his eyes off the show and was entertaining idea of unzipping and rubbing a quick one out. The masked man leaned in close, his hands sliding around Mrs. Miller’s neck, kissing her like he was trying to swallow her whole. Suddenly, he slammed her head into the motel window hard enough to cause the glass to spiderweb. The motherfucker’s hands were around her throat. He was choking her down, and not in your typical erotic asphyxiation style; he was straight-up trying to kill her.

Mrs. Miller’s fingers went straight to the hustler’s face and she started trying to claw at his eyes. Holman was convinced that he was witnessing a possible murder. Tillman & Associates policy when witnessing a possible act of violence was to call the proper authorities, wait for 5-O to roll in and assist in the investigation as a material witness. But, if he followed protocol, chances were the cops would show up way too late to stop the current situation. His only chance was to step in and stop the attack.

Holman bolted from his ride. The room was a good hundred yards away and he moved as fast as his two hundred-fifty pounds of deep-fried bulk would allow him. Jesus, he felt like he was going to drop of a coronary before he even hit the door. He’d count himself lucky to have enough energy to stop trench coat guy from choking the rest of Mrs. Miller’s life out of her body. Fucking A! This shit was awesome; this was straight up fucking Sam Spade/Mickey Spillane shit!

Holman hit the door with every ounce of his weight and momentum. He was almost surprised how easily the lock popped opened. As soon as Holman was inside the room, he turned on Mrs. Miller’s attacker, his eyes huge and hot breath ripping in and out of his lungs.

What the shit?

For the first time since the beginning of the observation, Holden got a good look at Mrs. Miller’s fuck buddy. The guy was an absolute fat ass, a blimp, and he kind of looked a little like Mr. Miller. Hell, just not a little, a lot. Holman turned his attention to Mrs. Miller. He’d expected her to be unconscious, at death’s door. She wasn’t. She was laughing like a little girl, her hands covering her mouth, her pale beautiful blue eyes shining with something not quite like happiness. Holman didn’t have time to react as the fat bastard smashed something hard and flat against the right side of his face. He crumpled to the floor and then lay flat on his back, the fat asshole standing over him gripping a thick crystal ashtray in both hands.

Holman’s eyes were heavy and he felt like every bone in his face was shattered and moving around with a life of there own. He couldn’t believe what was happening.

The fucking creep standing over him and getting ready to cave in his skull was Mr. Miller and the weeping tub of guts he half-heartedly attempted to comfort a few brief days ago had the biggest cock he’d ever seen.

Holy Christ, that thing had to be at least a foot and a half long.

These were Holman’s final thoughts.

*

Tammy Miller laid flat on her back, sweat-drenched and smoking, an annoyed squint creasing her brow.

“You know, honey,” Tammy’s husband Sam called from the bathroom, “we really should send Zach Tillman a nice Thank You basket.”

“Fuck, Zach Tillman. He should screen these guys a little more carefully before he sends them out.”

Sam stepped out of the bathroom, gently patting his thinning mousy brown hair dry with a cheap motel room towel. Sam truly wasn’t much to look at. He was at least one hundred pounds. overweight, practically blind and had some of the worst back acne Tammy had ever seen. But he was a wonderful husband, who indulged his wife’s every whim, including occasionally letting her screw recently-deceased Private Investigators. Plus, his cock could easily be classified as one of the Eight Wonders of the Natural World. That helped out a lot.

“You know, honey, Zach can’t exactly ask for guy’s penis size on a resume. Besides, the last two were far from disappointing. And at least this guy stayed hard until you were finished.”

“I know, sweetie,” she said as she stood up from the bed she’d been laying on and ground out her cigarette into what was left of Devin Holman’s skull in one smooth motion, before wrapping her arms around her husbands neck. “But, Jesus, look at him. He can’t be more than five, six inches tops, and my fingers did most of the work.”

“I know, honey. But you still had fun, didn’t you?”

“Of course.”

“And you know, I was thinking about what you said the other night. Maybe it is time we throw a woman into the mix?”

“Oh, you’ll love it, baby!”

“I’m sure. But I’m thinking lubrication’s going to be kind of a problem. I don’t think I can get some woman as worked up as you do with these guys.”

“Yeah, but maybe Zach has a lesbian on the payroll that he wouldn’t mind getting rid of."

“Yeah, maybe. It doesn’t hurt to ask.”

BIO: Keith Rawson is a little known pulp writer who lives in the alkaline desert wastelands of southern Arizona with his wife and very energetic three-year-old daughter. His stories have appeared in such publications as Plots with Guns, Pulp Pusher, CrimeWav.com, Bad Things, Powder Burn Flash, A Twist of Noir, Beat to a Pulp and many others. You can find him most nights dicking around on either Twitter or Facebook, or stroking his already over-inflated ego at his blog Bloody Knuckles, Callused Fingertips.